New Wheels For The Dukes
by G0ODOLBOY
Summary: When Boss Hogg and Rosco sabotage the General Lee, Bo and Luke are forced into a set of wheels that takes a lot of getting used to.


New Wheels for the Dukes   
  
(Opening shot of a ramp-like mound of dirt bordering a river. Within a few seconds, we hear the General Lee's engine and then immediately see him jump the river. Three more basic jumps follow and the series of stunts concludes with the famous rivine jump.)  
BALLADEER: Now, friends, if you're wonderin' why the General has taken off more times in the last two minutes than the only plane at the Hazzard airport has all year, it's because it's time once again for Boss Hogg's annual Drag N' Fly race. Bo and Luke are pullin' out all the stops to make sure the ol' General is up to the challenge.  
(We see a traditional shot of Bo and Luke in the General Lee)  
LUKE: You hearin' what I'm hearin'?  
BO: Well, if you're talkin' about that high-pitched squeekin' noise that sounds like the shocks just gave out, then yeah, I'm hearin' what you're hearin'.  
LUKE: Well, we can't enter the General in the Drag N' Fly with the shocks in this bad shape. Better head over to Cooter's and see if he can help us out.  
(Fade to an outside shot of the couny courthouse.)  
BALLADEER: Now, y'all might recall that last year before the Drag N' Fly, Boss had Luke hypnotized into thinking that the general was a piece of junk to keep the Dukes from enterin' the race. Luckily, though, Uncle Jesse brought Luke back to his senses before it was too late. Well, folks, this year ain't gonna be no different. Cause ol' Boss is already cookin' up a plan to keep Bo and Luke from gettin' to the startin' line.  
(Inside shot of the courthouse booking room. Boss Hogg is dressed in his white racing uniform with a blue background behind him. In front of him is a replica of the door of his "Hogg Hellcat". A photographer takes publicity shots of him.)  
ROSCO: (Carrying a fan over to Boss Hogg) I'll tell ya what, little fat buddy, you look just like a great big chubby white marshmallow dressed like that! CU! CU!  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, will you just hush and bring that fan over here next to me?! Now, listen, we both know that my "Hogg Hellcat" won't have no problems winnin' that there DRag N' Fly competition...  
ROSCO: Except for the Duke boys in the General Lee...  
BOSS HOGG: (raising his voice) EXCEPT for them Duke boys and that dang blasted General Lee!!  
ROSCO: Well, Boss, y'know, I've been thinkin' about that. What if I was to just find the Duke boys, arrest 'em, and impound the General Lee?  
BOSS HOGG: (with a very scrutinizing look on his face) Rosco, you couldn't catch a cold if you was standin', naked as a jaybird, in a pile of snow.  
(Rosco does his typical figner-pointing routine and get a hurt look on his face)  
BOSS HOGG: Uh, uh, uh! What I got in mind for the Duke boys is somethin' a lot more perminent.  
(Rosco motions to Boss Hogg to keep quiet and then points to the photographer)  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, yeah, (to photographer) Say, Homer, why don't you take a few minutes and go get yourself a new roll of film in that there camera.  
HOMER: But, Boss, I just put new film in it not five mintues ago.  
BOSS HOGG: (getting frustrated) Alright, well, when did you get the film you got in there now?  
HOMER: It just came in with last weeks shipment.  
BOSS HOGG: Well, that ain't good enough! I want film that came in on yesterday's shipment! I want these here pictures to look the best they can! So you'd better just run back over to your camera shop and get a fresh roll.  
HOMER: (shakes his head and walks toward the door) It's your money, Boss.  
(Homer exits)  
ROSCO: (with a panicked look on his face) Boss, now, I know that the Duke boys have caused us a lot of trouble over the years...but I never thought things would come to you talkin' like this!  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, I swear you must have only one brain cell for every year of your life. I'm not talkin' about the Duke boys! I'm talkin' about doin' somethin' perminent to that orange clunker car of theirs!  
ROSCO: Oooohhh....I love it! I love it! (Rosco gets a puzzled expression on his face) Wait a minute, Boss. There's a flaw in the slaw. How're you gonna pull that off? I mean, the Dukes wouldn't let either one of us anywhere near that General Lee. Especially not this close to a race.  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, don't you think I know that?! What we're gonna do, or more accurately, what you're gonna do is disable the General Lee when the Dukes ain't around to see ya do it.  
ROSCO: But, Boss, the only time Bo and Luke aren't around the General Lee is at night when they're sleepin'.   
BOSS HOGG: That's right...unless...  
ROSCO: Unless...  
BOSS HOGG: Unless they're commin' close to a big race!  
ROSCO: (excited) Ooo! You mean the Drag N' Fly!  
BOSS HOGG: (sarcastic) No, I mean the three legged race. OF COURSE I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE DRAG N' FLY!  
ROSCO: Well, ya dont gotta yell. (makes his little noises under his breath)  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, will you please...now listen, where's the one place Bo and Luke always leave the General Lee right before a big race?  
ROSCO: (excited again) Oh, I know this one! They always leave it at Cooter's garage for a tune up!  
BOSS HOGG: Exactly! And THAT'S where we get at it!  
ROSCO: Oooohhhh...I love it! I love it!  
(scene switches across the street to Cooter's garage, where Bo and Luke are pulling up in the General Lee)  
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, Bo and Luke was pullin' the General into Cooter's to have his shocks looked at. Just like Boss figured. Friends, I don't like where this one's goin'!  
(Bo and Luke climb out of General Lee. Cooter approaches)  
COOTER: Hey, Y'all!  
(Bo and Luke say hi)  
COOTER: Well, let's see...I ain't seen Rosco's patrol car leave the front of the county courthouse buildin' all mornin' so y'all can't be here with damages ya got tryin' to outrun him. Which can only mean that ya need me to give the General a check-up before the Drag N' Fly.  
LUKE: You got that right.  
BO: Yeah, his shocks gave out right after we jumped him over Stix River.  
COOTER: (smirks) I told y'all that one was gonna get ya one of these times.  
(switch back to county courthouse. Rosco sees the Dukes and Cooter across the street. Walking toward the window, he nearly chokes Boss Hogg with the fan's cord. Boss Hogg makes his usual destressed noises)  
ROSCO: Boss, look out the window! Do you see what I see?  
BOSS HOGG: Well, how am I supposed to see anything if you keep cuttin' off my air like that?!  
(Boss Hogg looks out the window and smiles)  
BOSS HOGG: There they are, rosco! Just like I figured! Now, here's what I want you to do. As soon as the Duke boys leave, you think up some excuse to send Cooter over to see me. And while he's here, you'll be over there makin' sure the General Lee doesn't make it to the Drag N' Fly.  
(switch back to Cooter's)  
COOTER: Well, I'll tell ya what. This is gonna take me a little while, so why don't y'all go grab a cold one over at the Boar's Nest and come back. You can take my truck if ya want.  
LUKE: Alright, Cooter. Much obliged!  
BO: We'll see ya a little later, Cooter.  
COOTER: Yeah, I'll see y'all later.  
(switch back to courthouse)  
BOSS HOGG: Alright, Bo and Luke are pullin' away. Now you get over there and send Cooter over here to me, and I'll buy you enough time to do whatever you gotta do to the General Lee.  
ROSCO: Alright, little fat buddy! I'm gone!  
(switch back to Cooter's. He is lying under the General, removing the shocks. Rosco approaches)  
ROSCO: Cooter, you under there?  
(Cooter slides out)  
COOTER: Hey, Rosco. Ain't nothin' wrong with your patrol car, so what brings ya'll over here?  
ROSCO: Oh, quit the formalities. Cooter. I got important business to discuss with ya.  
COOTER: Well, whatever it is, Rosco, you better make it quick. I gotta work on the General so (starts to smirk) the Dukes can beat Boss in the Drag N' Fly.  
ROSCO: Well, I think you're gonna wanna make time for this, Cooter. Cause, see, Boss sent me over here to tell you that hes just decided to raise the mortgage on this here garage.  
COOTER: (with an angry look on his face) Is that a fact? Well, you can just tell Boss where to stick his raised mortgage payments cause I got a legally bindin' contract with him already! And that's says that he can't change a thing!!  
ROSCO: Well, if you're so mad about it, why don't you just go on over there and tell him yourself? He's inside drawin' up the papers now.  
COOTER: I think I'll go over there right now and do just that!  
(Cooter pushes Rosco aside and walks away)  
ROSCO: Hey, careful there! You're scuffin' my uniform with your dirty hands!  
(Once Cooter is out of sight, Rosco pops the General's hood open)  
ROSCO: Ooooo...look at that big fancy engine! I'll bet there's a million things I could do under here that would disable the General Lee! CU! CU! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!!  
(Scene changes back to inside the court house. By now, Boss Hogg has changed back into his usual white suit with a red and white checkered napkin under his chin, and a stack of ribs in front of him. Cooter storms in)  
COOTER: Boss Hogg, you got some nerver tryin' to pull a stunt like this! You know you ain't got the right to raise the mortgage on my garage! I got a good mind to report you to the circuit judge over in Atlanta!  
BOSS HOGG: (with a baffled look on his face) What? Cooter, you been suckin' in exaust fumes over there at that garage of yours? I ain't got the slightest notion what you're talkin' about.  
COOTER: (with a skeptical look on his face) Uh-uh, Boss. You ain't gonna weasel your way outta this one. Rosco just came over and told me that you was in here drawin' up the papers to raise my mortgage this very minute.  
BOSS HOGG: (realizing what Rosco told Cooter) Oh, THOSE mortgage papers! Well, as a matter of fact, I just finished writin' them up and gave 'em to Enos to make copies of. (now doing his phony smile)Since it shouldn't take him more than a few minutes, why don't you just wait outside and you can sign 'em when he gets back.   
COOTER: (getting enraged) Now you listen here, Boss...  
(Cooter continues yelling at Boss Hogg as the scene switches back to Rosco with the General Lee)  
ROSCO: I wish I had a set-up like this in my partol car. I'd give the Duke boys a run for their money. I'd cuff 'em and stuff 'em in no time! CU CU! (now looking confused) I don't know what to tinker with, everything looks so high-tech under here. (Sees the gas and brake lines but isn't sure what they are) Except for these two hoses. I don't know what they are, but they look real important!  
(Rosco bends over the engine and removes the brake line, not knowing that's what it is. Scene switches back inside the court house, with Cooter storming out of Boss Hogg's office and walking toward the main door just as Enos is entering)  
ENOS: Hey, Cooter! How ya doin'?  
COOTER: Hey, Enos. Listen, I don't know what Boss told you to have me sign, but you can forget it.  
ENOS: (very confused) I'm aweful sorry, Cooter, but I'm afraid I don't know what you're talkin' about. I ain't got nothin' for ya to sign.  
COOTER: (also confused) Ain't you commin' back from makin' copies of the new mortgage Boss made up on my garage?  
ENOS: No, sir. I'm just commin' back from my lunch hour. Cooter, I'd love to stand here and talk to ya, but I got a lot of work to get done. I'll see ya later.  
(enos walks away)  
COOTER: Yeah, I'll talk to ya later, Enos. Y'all take it easy, now.  
(Cooter pauses just outside the door and gets a very suspicious look on his face)  
COOTER: I wonder what them two's up to...  
(Scene switches, again, to Cooter Garage. We see Rosco buttoning up his shirt)  
BALLADEER: Well, Boss stalled Cooter inside the court house long enough to let Rosco do his dirty work, and Enos inadvertantly helped him out. All that gave Rosco more than enough time to take somethin' important out of the General's engine. Y'all wanna guess what he's got tucked into his shirt?  
(Cooter exits court house and approaches Rosco)  
COOTER: Rosco, what do you and Boss Hogg got up yer sleeves?! He didn't have no mortgage papers in there!  
ROSCO: (acting surprised) He didn't? Well, then he must've wanted me outta there for some reason....oh, I know! He's in there plannin' a surprise birthday party for me! Ooohhh, I can't wait to get a look at this!  
(Rosco sarts to walk away)  
COOTER: Rosco, you're birthday ain't for another two months.  
ROSCO: Oooo...you're right about that. (gets an enlightened grin on his face) Oh, well see, that's why he's doin' it now. He must figure that by doin' it so early, I won't suspect nuthin'! CU CU! I love it! I love it!  
(Rosco walks away)  
COOTER: (yelling to Rosco) Listen, Rosco, whatever you two are up to, leave me out of it! I ain't got time to play games, alright?!  
(Cooter returns to his garage and continues working on the General's shocks)  
BALLADEER: Friends, right now, y'all gotta remember two things. First, Cooter didn't see Rosco tinkerin' under the General's hood. And second, the boys didn't say nuthin' about no engine trouble. So Cooter ain't got no reason to look under the hood before he goes back to workin' on the shocks. Now, I'll tell ya, things just ain't lookin' too good for the Dukes.  
(Scene changes back to Boss Hogg's court house office. Rosco enters)  
BALLADEER: And here comes Rosco to bring Boss Hogg what he thinks is good news.  
ROSCO: GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! I done just like you wanted, little fat buddy. I made it so the General Lee ain't goin' nowhere for long time! CU CU!!  
BOSS HOGG: (chuckling) Good! Good! You done like I told ya and made it so that orange clunker car don't run no more?  
ROSCO: (almost offended) Are you kiddin' me?! Does a chicken have feathers?  
BOSS HOGG: (getting skeptical) We're about to find out. Tell me, what'd you do to that car anyway?  
(Rosco unbuttons his shirt and pulls out the brake line)  
ROSCO: I just pulled out this important-lookin' little hose, that's all.  
(Boss Hogg gasps and gets a very worried look on his face)  
BALLADEER: Now folks, remember, Boss is an ex-ridge runner. And he did his share of engine repairs in his day. So, no matter how fancy it might be, he knows a brake line when he sees it.  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, you're right. A chicken does have feathers. And he donated 'em all to you so you'd have somethin' to pass for a brain! (grabs brake line from Rosco) Do you have any idea what this is?!  
ROSCO: Are you kiddin'? Of course I...not really.  
BOSS HOGG: This is the General Lee's brake line, you knucklehead!! So, once them Duke boys get in, it'll start up and go just fine. But when they try to stop....  
ROSCO: OOOO!! JEEJEE!!! That could be hurrendous!!  
BOSS HOGG: That's right! And if anything happens to Bo and Luke Duke, who was the last one seen around their car?  
ROSCO: (doing his finger pointing while thinking routine) OOOOO!!! I was! JEEJEE!!  
BOSS HOGG: That's right! And Cooter's gonna be the one pointin' the finger! And he knows I was the one that sent you over there! So he'll put two and two together and know what we done!  
ROSCO: Well, Boss, we gotta do somethin'! We gotta get this hose back under that hood before the Duke boys get back!  
BOSS HOGG: Yeah, yeah. You're right. Now, you go over there and think up another excuse to get Cooter back over here while you put that hose back!  
(Just as Boss Hogg says this, Bo and Luke pull up in Cooter's truck)  
BALLADEER: Uh huh. Chalk this one up to typical Duke timin'.  
(As the boys get out of the trcuk, Cooter comes out from under the General Lee)  
COOTER: Hey, y'all must've pounded them beers down real fast to get back here so quick.  
LUKE: Naw, we're as parched now as we were when we left.  
BO: Yeah, it seems Boss decided now would be a good time to cut off our bar tab until we pay off what's there.  
LUKE: And since neither one of us has got a dime to our names until after the Drag N' Fly, we figured we might as well come back here and keep you company while you work on the General.  
COOTER: Well, if you're gonna do that, y'all are gonna wanna pull out a couple o' sleepin' bags, cause you're gonna be spendin' the night.  
LUKE: Whadda ya mean?  
COOTER: well, I was just on the phone to my buddy Tyrone over at the Capitol City garage and he's outta stock of the shocks y'all need. But he's got another shipment commin' in tomorrow, so I'll head over and pick 'em up in the meantime.  
BO: Speakin' of the meantime, what're we supposed to do til then?  
COOTER: Well, I put the old shocks back on and, you're right, they're in pretty rough shape. But they'll get ya to the farm and back. But don't go doin' no fancy drivin', alright?  
(Scene changes back to Boss and Rosco looking out the window)  
BOSS HOGG: Dang blast it!! Alright, Rosco, it's too late for a plan now! Just get out there and make sure them Duke boys don't get away!!  
(Rosco turns to leave and then returns)  
ROSCO: Boss, how am I supposed to stop 'em? I ain't got nothin' on 'em.  
BOSS HOGG: (frustrated) Since when has that ever stopped ya?? Now get out there and stop 'em before they get goin'!!  
(switch to Bo and Luke climbing into the General Lee)  
BO: Thanks a lot, Cooter. We'll see ya later!  
LUKE: Just give us a holler on the cb in the mornin' when ya get back with them shocks.  
COOTER: You got it. Y'all take it easy now!  
BALLADEER: Now, if y'all are wonderin' what ever happened to Homer, the photographer, he couldn't find yesterday's film shipment. And since he didn't know Boss was just feedin' him a line to get him out of the courthouse, he didn't dare go back there with the same film in his camera. Can't say as I blame him, though. If he was right, Boss might've got mad enough to foreclose on his camera shop. And poor Homer's got a wife and two mules to consider.  
(Rosco runs out of the courthouse just as Bo and Luke begin to pull away)  
ROSCO: Oh, no! There they go! (yelling to Bo and Luke) FREEEEEEZZEE!!!!  
BALLADEER: Now, friends, considerin' what ol' Rosco's usually up to when he says "freeze" to the Dukes, that's the last thing he shoulda said just then. Cause just like Pavlov yellin' at his dog, that action is gonna get an equal and miiiiiighty opposite reaction from the boys.  
(traditional shot of Bo and Luke in General Lee)  
BO: What could Rosco possibly want? We ain't done nothin' all day. What could he be tryin' to pin on us?  
LUKE: Listen, you know as well as I do that lack of a charge ain't never stopped him from citin' us before. And if we can't afford a couple of beers, we sure as heck can't afford a ticket from him. But just take it easy. Remember we basically ain't got no shocks.  
BALLADEER: Uh, Luke, that ain't all you ain't got.  
(Rosco get in his patrol car and starts after Bo and Luke)  
ROSCO: Flash, I never thought I'd say this, darlin'. But we gotta get after Bo and Luke Duke before somethin' happens to 'em. Otherwise, I'm liable to be sendin' you yer doggie num-nums from the slammer! JEEJEE!!  
(Switch to Enos is the police booking room, filing paperwork. He hears Rosco's voice over the CB)  
ROSCO: Enos, this is your superior officer, Sheriff Roscooo P. Coltrane. You got your ears on, you dipstick?!  
ENOS: (picking up microphone) I'm right here, Sheriff. What can I do for ya?  
ROSCO: Enos! Quit yappin' and just listen! I need you to get out here and help me stop the Duke boys! And I mean NOW!!  
ENOS: Well, shucks, sheriff. The General Lee's been parked at Cooter's for a while, so I don't think they could've been speedin'. (giggles)  
ROSCO: Enos! Will you just hush!! Now, I'm your superior officer, and this is a direct order! Now you just get out here and help me catch Bo and Luke Duke!! You dipstick!!  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I'm commin' right now!  
(Outside, Cooter watches Rosco start after the boys)  
COOTER: (shakes head) Well, so much for goin' easy on them shocks.  
(Cooter turns and goes inside his garage)  
BALLADEER: Now, I really wish Cooter had looked down before he went back inside. Then, maybe he would've spotted that big puddle of brake fluid where the General was just parked.  
(Switch back to Bo and Luke)  
LUKE: Bo, where are you goin'?  
BO: (with a big grin) Stix River!  
LUKE: Bo, are you nuts?? You know the General can't handle a jump like that right now!  
BO: Don't ya think I know that, Luke? I ain't plannin' on the General bein' the one to jump it.  
LUKE: (realizing Bo's plan)  
LUKE: Forget it, Bo! Stix River's a lot deeper than Hazzard Pond. And we both know Rosco ain't that good a swimmer. Just pull it over and we'll see what he wants.  
(switch to Rosco in his patrol car)  
ROSCO: (into CB microphone) Enos, are you out there yet? Come on...  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I'm right behind ya!  
ROSCO: Alright, listen, the Duke boys are headed for Stix River. Now we both know they're gonna jump it to get away. I want you on the other side! You got that?  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff! I'm on my way.  
ROSCO: Well, jumpin' that thing aughtta slow 'em down enough for Enos to stop 'em....I hope. (makes his typical whiny noise)  
BALLADEER: Friends, it just dawned on me...Rosco don't know the General's shocks are gone, too.  
(switch back to Bo and Luke)  
LUKE: Bo, look, it ain't worth it. Just do like I told ya and pull it over.  
(Bo gets a panicked look on his face)  
BO: Luke, I'd really like to oblige ya right now but I ain't gonna be able to!  
LUKE: Waddaya mean??  
BO: Well, I don't know why, but the brakes are gone!  
LUKE: What??!! No shocks OR brakes??  
BO: Yeah, and that river ain't gettin' no farther away, neither! What're we gonna do??  
LUKE: Only one thing we CAN do...cross your fingers and close your eyes!  
BO: You're a lot of help!  
(Bo and Luke's expressions turn from panic to pure fear)  
LUKE: Lord, here it comes!  
BO: Hang on, Luke!  
(General Lee approaches the ramp full speed and launches into the air. Scene freezes with the General in mid-air)  
BALLADEER: Now let's see...no shocks, no brakes. And the General's hangin' there, twenty five feet in the air. Y'all might wanna close your eyes. I'll let ya know when it's over.  
(end act 1)  
  
(We see the General Lee continue the jump over Stix River. Just before it lands, Rosco brings his patrol car to a ninety degree stop and watches the Dukes crash land on the other side. Unaware that any damage has been done, He is happy to see the General Lee stopped)   
ROSCO: Ooooo....GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! That worked better than I hoped, Flash! The General Lee done come to a dead stop!! CU CU!!  
(Rosco's expression turns serious when he notices a lack of movement as the dust kicked up by the landing clears away)  
ROSCO: The General Lee ain't the only thing that ain't movin' over there. Why ain't the Duke boys gettin' out?? (pics up cb microphone) Enos, are you on the other side of the river yet? Come on...  
(Switch to Enos sitting in his patrol car about fifty feet ahead of the General Lee. He is looking in both directions, but his view is obstructed by bushes and trees)  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I just got here. I don't see no sign of the Duke boys, though. If I know them, they're halfway back to the farm by now. (giggles)  
(Switch back to Rosco, who is shaking his head vigorously)  
ROSCO: No they ain't, Enos. I'm lookin' at the General Lee right now. Now listen, I'm gonna call an ambulance. In the meantime, I want you to get over there and make sure Bo and Luke ain't hurt. You got that?  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff. I'm on my way.  
(Enos pullsout into the road and almost immediately spots the nearly totaled General Lee. His mouth drops and his eyes open wide)  
ENOS: (half whispering) Possum on a gumbush!  
(Switch to a shot of the damaged General Lee. The grill is smashed, the bumper is missing, and the hood is teetering between the edge of the grill and the ground. Smoke can be seen rising from the engine. All four tires are blown from the impact of the landing. The General Lee's body is almost completely collapsed on all three sides. The only part that seems unharmed is the roof, due to the placement of the roll bar. Focus on Bo and Luke. They sit, unconcious, in their seats bleeding from their heads, noses, and mouths. Both are covered in shattered glass from the windshield. Switch back to Rosco calling the ambulance on the cb)  
ROSCO: Breaker breaker! This is sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane callin' the Capital City hospital. we need an ambulance at Stix River in Hazzard county right away! This is an emergency! Please hurry!!  
BALLADEER: Now, friends, I feel for ol' Rosco right now. But it just goes to show ya...ya never know what's gonna happen when ya set out to do somebody harm.  
ROSCO: (getting choked up and fighting back tears) Enos, listen, I'm headin' over to you now. But, uh...(swallows a lump in his throat) I'm gonna have to ask you to call Jesse and Daisy. I'm afraid I just ain't got it in me right now.  
(Enos switches channels on his cb)  
ENOS: Breaker breaker! This is deputy Enos Strate callin' Uncle Jesse and daisy Duke. If y'all got your ears on, please come back! It's an emergency!  
(Scene switches to the farm, where Uncle Jesse is throwing seed to his chickens. He hears Enos's voice come over the cb)  
UNCLE JESSE: Emergency? I hope J.D. don't have no phony charges on them boys for nuthin'. I ain't got the money to bail 'em out.  
(Uncle Jesse picks up the cb microphone from his truck and answers Enos. Balladeer Talks while Enos explains what happened)  
BALLADEER: Kinda stings, huh...Jesse wouldn't be crackin' jokes if he knew what Enos was about to tell him.  
UNCLE JESSE: An accident? How bad?  
ENOS: I'm not exactly sure, Uncle Jesse. I didn't see it happen, myself. But the General Lee's really banged up and Bo and Luke ain't movin' a muscle. I'm gonna go check on 'em now. But Sheriff Rosco wanted me to call y'all first.  
UNCLE JESSE: Enos, you go make sure them boys is alright. Me and Daisy'll be there directly! Cooter, are you out there?  
(Switch to Cooter already driving his truck toward Stix River)  
COOTER: (into cb mic) Yessir, I am. I heard everything. I'm headed for Stix River right now. I'll see ya there. I'm gone.  
(Daisy exits house with a basket of laundry under one arm. Uncle Jesse starts getting in his truck and sees her)  
UNCLE JESSE: Daisy, put that laundry down! That can wait!  
DAISY: What's wrong, Uncle Jesse?  
UNCLE JESSE: That was Enos on the cb! The boys have been in a serious accident at Stix River! We gotta get over there right away!!  
(Daisy drops the basket of laundry and gets in the truck. We see a shot of the pick up truck speeding away from the Duke farm. Switch to Rosco reaching the other side of Stix River and getting his first close look at the General Lee)  
ROSCO: Looks like your daddy's in a lot of trouble, Flash. I done scuffed them Duke boys bad this time.  
(Flash lets out a very sad howl. Rosco finally gets out of the car and slowly approaches Enos as he begins to fully take in the sight he sees in front of him. Enos has blood on his sleeves, making it obvious that he has tried to help Bo and Luke)  
ROSCO: How bad are they, Enos?  
ENOS: Well, sir, I remembered what I learned in my CPR course back at the police academy. So I went over and made sure they was still breathin'....  
ROSCO: (with a panicked look on his face) ....Are they?  
ENOS: Yessir. I took their pulses, too.  
ROSCO: And?  
ENOS: Well, I can't be totally sure. But I reckon they're pretty good, considerin'.  
ROSCO: Have you seen 'em move at all?  
ENOS: No, sir. I didn't wanna risk movin' 'em either. Not that I could have, what with the General Lee's doors bein' welded shut n' all. We'll just have to wait til Cooter gets here for that.  
(Balladeer speaks as Cooter, Uncle Jesse, and Daisy pull up)  
BALLADEER: Now, if y'all are wonderin' why Enos knows all about CPR and first aid, and Rosco don't...well, ya gotta remember that Enos became a lawman the honest way by goin' through the police academy. Rosco, on the other hand, kinda "married" into his Sheriff job when Lulu married Boss and threatened to move into his bedroom if he didn't make Rosco sheriff. Friends, them Hazzard politics do get complicated, don't they...  
(Daisy approaches the General Lee, tries to scream, but instead begins to cry. Uncle Jesse comes to her and hugs her while he looks, helplessly, at the boys sitting unconscious in the General Lee)  
UNCLE JESSE: (very quietly) Now Daisy, I know you're upset and discouraged right now. I am, too. But goin' to pieces like this ain't gonna help Bo and Luke none. Now, I want you to stand over here with Enos while me and Cooter get 'em out so the ambulance can take 'em when it gets here.  
(Uncle Jesse motions to Enos to come and be with Daisy. Enos holds Daisy. She looks again at the boys in the General Lee and begins to cry again. Enos gently turns her head and hugs her)  
ENOS: I'm sorry, Daisy, but maybe it's best if you don't look.  
UNCLE JESSE: Cooter, what have ya got to get the boys outta there with?  
(Cooter picks two large tools out of his truck bed)  
COOTER: Got a crow bar and the jaws o' life right here, Uncle Jesse.  
(Cooter and Uncle Jesse approach the General Lee. Cooter slides the crow bar inside the driver's side door frame)  
COOTER: General, this is gonna hurt me a whole lot more than it does you.  
(Cooter uses all his energy to pry open the General's door)  
BALLADEER: Now, friends, that just goes to show ya how desperation can clowd a man's thinkin'. Cause there ain't no way a crow bar alone is gonna pry open a welded door.  
COOTER: It's no use, Uncle Jesse. I'll go get my blow torch out of my truck. If we can heat up the weldin' enough to get it to melt, I should be able to pry it open that way.  
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, well, let's quit talkin' about it and let's do it. We gotta get them boys out as quick as we can.  
(Switch to Rosco going back to his patrol car and picking up the CB mic.)  
BALLADEER: While Uncle Jesse and Cooter was busy tryin' to get the boys out of General Lee, Rosco suddenly realized that Boss had no idea what was happenin'. He figured he'd better fill him in.  
ROSCO: (voice cracking) This is Rosco P. Coltrane callin' Boss Hogg. You got your ears on, Boss? Come on...  
(switch to county courthouse. Boss Hogg puts his ribs down and picks up his cb)  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, this is J.D. Hogg. What in tarnation took you so long to report back to me? Listen, (whispers) did you manage to stop the Duke boys before anything happened?  
ROSCO: Yeah, Boss, they stopped. But, uh...listen, Boss, are you sittin' down? Cause you ain't gonna like what I gotta tell ya.  
(Switch back to Stix River. Cooter is now wearing goggles while he uses his blow torch. Uncle Jesse uses all his strength on the crow bar and the General Lee's door finally begins to open.)  
UNCLE JESSE: There we go! That's got it! Cooter, you keep meltin' and I'll keep pullin'.  
COOTER: Yessir.  
(switch back to court house. Boss Hogg's face goes blank when he hears the news from Rosco)  
BALLADEER: Now, folks, y'all are lookin' at a Hazzard rarity. Boss Hogg showin' two emotions at the same time, and niether one of 'ems greed. What yer seein' on Boss's face is both concern and guilt, cause folks, if Boss Hogg is concerned about the Dukes, ya know he's gotta be guilty of somethin'.  
BOSS HOGG: Alright, Rosco, you listen to me and you listen good. Now, first, I want you to give the Dukes and the paramedics all the help you can in gettin' Bo and Luke outta that car and into the ambulance ok, on account of if them Dukes see you helpin' out, it might make 'em forget that this was all your fault to begin with. Then, to make it look even better, you're gonna give 'em a police escort all the way to the Capitol City hospital. And when ya get there, you tell them doctors to charge the Duke boys whole bill to me! You go all that?  
ROSCO: That's a big 10-4, Boss but listen, it don't make too much sense to do all that stuff to take the blame off us and then go and pick up the bill.  
BOSS HOGG: Well, of course it makes sense, you do-do! But listen, we ain't got time to talk about it now. You just go do everything I told ya to and I'll meet ya at the Capitol City Hospital. This is J.D. Hogg over and out!  
(switch back to Stix River, where the ambulance is finally arriving. The paramedics approach the General Lee and start getting Bo out. Unlce Jesse and Cooter start working on the passenger door)  
UNCLE JESSE: (watching the paramedics while Cooter melts the welding) I don't know whether to be mad at them boys for not wearin' seat belts, or be glad that it's not one more thing we gotta get 'em out of.  
(Rosco approaches Unlce Jesse)  
ROSCO: Jesse, listen, is there anything I can do to help?  
(Uncle Jesse gives Rosco a very repremanding look)  
UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, now you know I ain't one to fly off the handle when things get bad like this, so I'll just ask you one thing. My boys was in this mess cause they was tryin' to outrun you, right?  
ROSCO: Well, Jesse, now ya don't know the whole story....see....  
UNCLE JESSE: (yelling) AM I RIGHT OR AM I WRONG?!  
(Rosco doesn't respond but gets a very hurt and guilty look on his face)  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, then....don't you think you've done enough?  
(switch to Boss Hogg leaving court house and getting into his cadillac)  
BOSS HOGG: (talking to himself) Tarnation! I mean, sure I wanted that orange car outta my hair. But I never meant for anything like this to happen. (looking up, praying) I sure hope that you believe that.  
(Switch to the Capital City hospital about an hour later. Uncle Jesse, Daisy, Cooter and Enos are all pacing the waiting room)  
BALLADEER: Well, the paramedics finally got Bo and Luke of out the General and over to the hospital. Now the Dukes was goin' through the toughest part of the whole ordeal...the waitin'.  
DAISY: Oh, Uncle Jesse, I hope the boys come outta this alright.  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, baby, at this point....that's up to the good lord to decide.  
ENOS: (clutching his hat in his hands) Don't you worry none Uncle Jesse, Daisy. Doc Applebee's in there with 'em. If anybody can mend Bo and Luke, it's him.  
COOTER: Amen to that.  
(switch to outside the hospital. Rosco sits in his patrol car waiting for Boss Hogg)  
BALLADEER: If y'all are wonderin' what Rosco's doin' outside while everybody else is in the watin' room, well, after what ol' Jesse said back at Stix River he figured he'd be better off stayin' outisde by himself til Boss showed up.  
(On cue, Boss Hogg's cadillac pulls up)  
BALLADEER: And speak of the devil....  
(Rosco approaches the cadillac as Boss Hogg is getting out)  
ROSCO: Boss, listen, I don't think you're idea's gonna work. You shoulda heard Jesse at Stix River. He knows it's my fault.  
BOSS HOGG: No, no, no. Don't ya get it? Jesse only knows that Bo and Luke had that accident on account of they was tryin' to get away from you. I'm willin' to bet he ain't got no idea what you done to the General Lee. Now listen, did you go in there and have 'em charge the bill to me like I told ya?  
ROSCO: Not yet, Boss. I think I'm just about the last person the Dukes wanna see right now.  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, do I have to do everything myself?  
ROSCO: Boss, what're you plannin' on sayin' to the Dukes?  
BOSS HOGG: I'll worry about that when I see 'em. Right now we gotta find them doctors so I can take care of that bill.  
(Switch back to waiting room as Doc Applebee enters)  
UNCLE JESSE: (standing up) Doc, what's the word?  
DOC APPLEBEE: (placing his hand on Uncle Jesse's shoulder) Jesse, the good lord must've been watchin' over your boys today. You folks can come in and see them now.  
(Scene switches to Bo and Luke's hospital room. We are looking at the door from inside the room, so we don't see Bo and Luke. The door opens and Doc Applebee enters, followed by the group)  
UNCLE JESSE: Hey, boys, how're you do...(Jesse becomes speechless)  
(Daisy gasps)  
ENOS: (his eyes go wide) Possum on a gumbush.  
(Cooter is speechless)  
(We finally see Bo and Luke. They are in wheel chairs. They both have casts on each leg, and Bo has a brace around his rib cage. The boys grin sheepishly and wave. Scene freezes)  
BALLADEER: I don't know about y'all, but I wasn't ready for that.  
(end act 2)  
  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, boys, as foolish as I feel askin' this....you two alright?   
LUKE: (shrugs) Believe it or not, Uncle Jesse, I ain't in all that much pain, considerin'.  
UNCLE JESSE: How bout you, Bo?  
BO: 'Cept for a couple of cracked ribs, I reckon I'm about the same as Luke.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Which, I want you to know, is a miricle in itself. (to Uncle Jesse) Jesse, I'm gonna be blunt. After seeing the General Lee hooked onto Cooter's tow truck, and seein' what these boys looked like when they came in here......well, frankly, I should be wheelin' Bo and Luke down to the morge right now rather than just settin' a couple of casts on their legs.  
LUKE: Aw, come on, Doc...it couldnt've been as bad as all that.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Oh, it was. It was. Boys, I've seen auto accident victims come through here that didn't look half as bad as you two did. They ended up leavin' here paralyzed for life. You boys aughtta thank the good lord in your prayers tonight.  
DAISY: Doc, how long before the boys are gonna be able to walk again?  
DOC APPLEBEE: Oh, not more than a few weeks.  
BO: A few weeks?! Aw, come on, Doc! The dang Drag N Fly's next Saturday!  
DOC APPLEBEE: Well, I'm afraid you boys won't be racing in it. Especially you, Bo. I don't want you driving for at least six weeks with your ribs cracked like they are.  
DAISY: And even if you WERE able to drive, wadda y'all think you're gonna race with?  
LUKE: (realizing what Daisy means) How bad is it, Cooter?  
COOTER: (wincing) It don't look good, y'all. The body's all collapsed, the engine's pretty burnt, and I ain't even had a chance to look at the frame yet.  
LUKE: Well, if y'all will give us a hand outside, (looks at Bo) I reckon we wanna have a look see for ourselves.  
(Uncle Jesse walks over to the boys' wheel chairs and starts fiddling with all the moving parts)  
DAISY: Uncle Jesse, what're ya doin?  
UNCLE JESSE: What am I doin? I'll tell ya what I'm doin. I'm makin' sure there's nothin' on these things that these two can weld shut! It took me and Cooter almost half an hour to get 'em outta that dang General Lee! I'm not goin' through that again!  
(everyone smiles and laughs)  
UNCLE JESSE: Cooter, Enos, give me a hand here. Doc, if it's alright with you, ya can just send the bill out to the farm....  
(Boss Hogg and Rosco enter the room)  
BOSS HOGG: Uh, uh, uh, Jesse. That won't be necessary. On account of I already took care of the boys' bill, myself.  
UNCLE JESSE: That's aweful thoughtful of ya, J.D. but we can manage just fine.  
BOSS HOGG: (overdoing kindness) Well, i'm sure you can, Jesse but it's already been done. (now overdoing guilt) On account of Rosco, here, feels real bad about makin' you boys get into that accident. And I feel real bad about makin' him chase ya.  
LUKE: Yeah, I'll bet you two must be plum heartbroken that me and Bo ain't gonna be able to race in the Drag N Fly on Saturday.  
BOSS HOGG: (acting surprised) Well I'll be...the thought never even crossed my mind. But I'll tell ya what...in the spirit of good sportsmanship (overdoing kindness again) I hearbye declare the Drag N Fly officially postponed indefinitely until you boys are well enough to drive in it.  
BALLADEER: Ooooooo....now, friends, that's just cold-blooded.  
BO: (very angry) Well, that's real nice of you, Boss. But do us a favor, huh, and don't do us any favors! In case y'all didn't see the General parked outside, he might be outta the picture for good, thanks to Rosco!  
COOTER: In all fairness, y'all, it ain't all Rosco's fault that yer sittin' in them wheel chairs. I shoulda known better than to let y'all take off before I could work on the General.  
BOSS HOGG: Well, well, well...so this here accident wasn't Rosco's fault after all!  
ROSCO: That's right! How was I supposed to know that Cooter forgot to put the brake line back on before he let you two take off?!  
BOSS HOGG: (trying to whisper at Rosco) Will you zip?!  
(Everyone looks at Boss Hogg and Rosco suspiciously)  
BALLADEER: Y'all ever heard of a Freudian slip? Well, that ain't nuthin' compared to the beans ol' Rosco just spilled.  
COOTER: Rosco...there's a real good reason I didn't think to put the brake line back on. That's cause I never took it off in the first place.  
LUKE: That's right. We brought the General over to Cooter's to have his shocks replaced.  
(Uncle Jesse silently approaches Boss and Rosco)  
UNCLE JESSE: J.D....Rosco...my boys are lucky to be alive after that accident. So help me...if you two are directly responsible for this...(points to Bo and Luke)  
BOSS HOGG: Well, Jesse, you heard Cooter. He knew he shouldn'ta let Bo and Luke drive away before he had a chance to....  
UNCLE JESSE: (cuuting off Boss Hogg and yelling) HE NEVER TOUCHED THAT BRAKE LINE!!  
(Doc Applebee gets between Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg)  
DOC APPLEBEE: Jesse, please...I know you're upset and I don't blame you. But this IS a hospital. People are trying to rest....  
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, Doc. We'll be on our way then. (To Boss and Rosco) I'll deal with you two outside. Cooter, Enos, gimme a hand with the boys, will ya?  
(As Uncle Jesse walks away, Boss Hogg and Rosco each swallow a lump in their throats)  
BALLADEER: Freinds, I don't blame Boss and Rosco for bein' so scared. I don't think there's a woodshed built that's big enough for the whoopin' that Uncle Jesse's gonna give 'em when he gets outside.  
(Switch to outside the hospital. We see the entrance open as Daisy and Enos hold the doors to allow Uncle Jesse and Cooter to wheel Bo and Luke out. Boss and Rosco have lingered behind to avoid confrontation.)  
BALLADEER: The moment everyone had been dreadin' had finally arrived. Bo and Luke was about to get their first look at the General since the accident.  
LUKE: Alright, cooter, where ya got him hid?  
COOTER: (pointing) Just off to the right.  
(Bo and Luke's mouths drop when they see the General)  
LUKE: Oh, Lord...  
BO: I don't wanna believe my eyes.  
(We see a distant shot of the near-totaled General Lee. The doors are pried off and are laying against the crane in the bed of Cooter's truck.)  
BALLADEER: I don't know what everybody's so worried about...I think the General looked worse than that when the boys found him.  
LUKE: How long ya figure it'll take to get him back in shape, Cooter?  
COOTER: Well, we can cross our fingers and say our prayers. Provided the damage is all in the body, which I doubt, it shouldn't take more'n a couple of days.  
BO: Yeah, but that's wishful thinkin'. I mean, ya can tell from here the frame's gotta be bent.  
COOTER: Yeah, I reckon you're probably right, Bo. But don't y'all worry. Even if I gotta work night and day, I'll make sure the ol' General's back on his feet before y'all are. (chuckles) To tell ya the truth, as bad as he looks right now, I think he's still in better shape than he was when y'all found him.  
BALLADEER: See? What'd I tell ya?  
(Boss Hogg and Rosco final come out of the hospital and join the group. Rosco's guilt comes flooding back into him as he looks at the General Lee)  
BOSS HOGG: (rather casually) My, oh my, the General Lee really is in a state, ain't it...  
UNCLE JESSE: Got a pen, J.D.?  
(Boss reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pen)  
BOSS HOGG: Here ya go  
UNCLE JESSE: Oh, it ain't for me. I thought you might like to go over there and write yer name on the General Lee.  
BOSS HOGG: Why in tarnation would I wanna do that?  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, it seems to me that artists usually like to sign their work.  
ENOS: Uncle Jesse, with all due respect, Mr. Hogg and Sheriff Rosco didn't mean for no harm to come to Bo and Luke...  
DAISY: Enos Strate, I can't believe you're defendin' them!  
ENOS: I ain't defendin' them, Daisy. What they done was wrong. (to Boss and Rosco) Mr. Hogg, Sheriff, I think y'all should be ashamed of yourselves for what ya did to the General Lee. But I also gotta believe that, deep down, y'all are sorry for what happened to the boys.  
BOSS HOGG: (over-doing guilt) Oh, I AM terribly sorry for what happened to these two fine boys. As a matter of fact....  
ROSCO: Oh, will you hush!! Even I don't believe that phony apology!  
(Boss Hogg is taken aback)  
ROSCO: Now, you listen to me! I've been thinkin' this whole thing over ever since that accident happened. Now, settin' out to wreck a car is one thing! But Bo and Luke are lucky to be alive right now!  
(Rosco turns to the Dukes, takes his hat off, and speaks very sincerely)  
ROSCO: Jesse, Daisy,....and especially you, Bo and Luke. Now, I won't blame ya if ya never forgive me for what happened out at Stix River today. But for whatever it's worth, I am truly sorry.  
(There is a short moment of silence, then Uncle Jesse approaches Rosco)  
UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, on behalf of all us Dukes....(extends his hand to Rosco) I forgive ya.  
ROSCO: (shaking hands with Uncle Jesse) Thank you, Jesse...(getting choked up) thank you.  
(Rosco turns back to Boss)  
ROSCO: Boss, listen, I've been through every dirty rotten scheme in the book with you. But after what happened today, I'm afraid my conscience just won't let me do it no more. And since I know that part of bein' sheriff is havin' to do whatever you tell me, I ain't got no choice but to resign. (turns to Enos) Enos, I have one final order for you as your superior officer before I quit.  
ENOS: Yessir?  
ROSCO: (pauses) Cuff me and stuff me!  
(scene freezes)  
BALLADEER: First, Bo and Luke wind up crippled. Now Rosco quits his job as sheriff outta guilt. Y'all reckon Jesse's goin' back to runnin' shine next?  
(end act 3)  
  
ROSCO: Enos...cuff me and stuff me!   
(Enos reluctantly pulls out his handcuffs and approaches Rosco)  
ENOS: Yessir, Sheriff...  
LUKE: Rosco, listen, we all appreciate what you're tryin' to do. We know you're sorry and, like Uncle Jesse said, we forgive ya. But quittin' your sheriff's job ain't gonna get me and Bo outta these casts and wheelchairs any faster.  
UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, angry as I am right now, I gotta admit Luke's right. You quittin' ain't gonna help the boys none. (smiles politely) Besides, you and Enos are the only law we got in Hazzard. And, as good as he is, Enos can't handle it all by himself.  
ROSCO: Oh, tiddly tuddly! The only real crimes that ever happen in Hazzard are whatever comes from (points to Boss) that little fat meadow muffin and his hair-brained schemes. And without me around to do all his dirty work for him, even he doesn't have enough money to pay off all the help he'd need. Enos'll do just fine on his own (looks Enos up and down) even if he IS a dipstick! Now, come on, Enos. Do like I told ya (holds out his hands) and slap the cuffs on.  
ENOS: Beggin' yer pardon, Sheriff...what charge am I arrestin' ya on?  
ROSCO: Oh, good grief! Enos, you saw what happened at Stix River, right?  
ENOS: Yessir.  
ROSCO: You know Bo and Luke coulda died, right?  
ENOS: Yessir.  
ROSCO: And ya know it was all my fault, right?  
ENOS: Yessir.  
ROSCO: Well, what does all that add up to?  
(Enos stares, confused, at Rosco)  
ROSCO: It adds up to attempted murder! (shakes his head) You are a dipstick!  
(Uncle Jesse interrupts)  
UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, there's one thing you seem to be forgettin'...  
ROSCO: (getting frustrated) What?  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, it seems to me that, in order for you to go to jail for a big federal rap like that, us Dukes'd have to press charges against ya. An' I already told ya we forgive ya. So yer either gonna hafta think of somethin' else or just keep on bein' sheriff. (chuckles)  
ENOS: I'm aweful sorry, Uncle Jesse, I gotta arrest the sheriff just the same.  
UNCLE JESSE: How can you do that without us pressin' any charges?  
ENOS: With all the evidence we got against him, and the fact that he just confessed to everything, not to mention that his last order to me as sheriff was to arrest him. I'm afraid all that makes it my sworn duty to take him into custody.   
(Enos puts his handcuffs on Rosco and starts to walk him to his patrol car. He looks around at the group)  
ENOS: I'm real sorry about this, y'all.  
BALLADEER: I don't know about y'all, but I didn't figure on seein' nuthin' like this when I got outta bed this mornin'.  
(Uncle Jesse addresses Boss as he watches Enos take Rosco away)  
UNCLE JESSE: I hope yer proud of yerself, J.D.! Not only did you almost get my boys killed over some dang fool race, you just lost Hazzard County it's one and only sheriff!  
BOSS HOGG: Now you hold on just a minute there, Jesse! That's a pretty strong accusation you just made! You heard what Rosco said in that hospital room. He pulled the brake line off the General Lee, not me!  
UNCLE JESSE: He wouldn'ta done that lessin' you told him to, and you know it!  
BOSS HOGG: I never once told him to pull out that brake line! As a matter of fact, I told him to make sure the General Lee couldn't move at all!  
LUKE: So you admit that you told Rosco to tinker with the General...which makes you an accessory to the crime.  
BOSS HOGG: (starting to panic) uh uh uh! I ain't an accessory to nuthin'! Rosco done just the opposite of what I told him to do!  
LUKE: Don't matter, Boss. It's all the same in the eyes of the law.  
DAISY: And seein' how you don't own the law in Hazzard no more, Boss, that puts you right in that prison cell next to Rosco.  
UNCLE JESSE: I'll tell ya somethin' else, J.D....if I didn't have to get the boys back home right now, I'd be makin' a citizen's arrest on you. So if I was you, I'd be headed back to that jail house right now to see if I couldn't talk Rosco into reconsiderin' his resignation. (turns to Bo and Luke) Come on, boys. We gotta figure out a way to get you two home.  
(The Dukes and Cooter walk away, leaving Boss Hog standing by himself, figuring out what his next move should be. Scene switches to county court house booking room. It's about a half hour later. Rosco and Enos have just arrived and Enos is preparing to take Rosco's mug shot)  
ENOS: Just hold still, hold up your number, and look at the camera, Sheriff.  
ROSCO: Enos, first of all, I know how to take a mug shot! I've done it to prisoners hundereds of times! Second of all, stop callin' me sheriff! I ain't the sheriff no more! You are! Matter of fact....(takes his badge off and hands it to Enos) Here, this is yours now. Besides, (his tone becomes very humble) it wouldn't be fittin' for the Sheriff's badge to be taken in a mug shot.  
ENOS: (taking the badge from Rosco) Sheriff...  
(Rosco points and makes a noise)  
ENOS: Sorry, sir. Force of habit. I don't want your job. 'Specially not this way. I'm happy just bein' deputy. 'Sides, who's gonna be the new Sheriff is Mr. Hogg's decision. I don't reckon I'm what he's lookin' for.  
ROSCO: (looks away and raises his eyebrows) Ain't that the truth!  
ENOS: I figure he'll bring in one of his own kin. Maybe he'll get Cletus back.  
ROSCO: Are you kiddin'me?! I'd rather eat cold grits out of a pig's slop bucket than see that dipstick be sheriff! Besides, Boss won't pick him. When push comes to shove, he's about as crooked as you are. I know how that little fat comquat thinks. If he picks anyone, it'll be that no account jackass nephew of his, Hughie!  
ENOS: I sure hope not, sir. Every time Hughie comes back to Hazzard, he tries to pull the whole town right out from under Mr. Hogg's nose. I reckon Mr. Hogg has learned his lesson about Hughie by now.  
ROSCO: Enos, I'll never understand how someone could be such a good lawman when he's got the brains of a turnip. Ain't you learned nothin' today?! (gets very philosophical) You take a man with all the greed jealousy, and contempt that the Boss has got and you can throw good judgement right out the window. I just wish it hadn't taken me twenty years of bein' his lacky to figure that out. (looks Enos straight in the eyes and snaps back to normal) Now will ya just finish takin' these dumb mugshots and lets get on with it?!  
ENOS: Yessir.  
BALLADEER: Friends, I once dreamed of the day when Rosco would say those words....then I woke up in a cooold sweat!  
(Scene switches back to the Dukes farm, with paramedics helping Bo and Luke out of an ambulance)  
BALLADEER: Back at the farm, the Dukes was just arrivin' home. Uncle Jesse had gotten a couple of paramedics to drive the boys back in an ambulance, seein' as how there wasn't no way the boys was gonna fit in either Uncle Jesse's or Cooter's trucks while they was in them wheel chairs.  
(Uncle Jesse thanks the paramedics as they prepare to pull away)  
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, boys, let's see what we can do about gettin' you two inside. You must be hungry as bears after all ya been through today.  
LUKE: You better believe it.  
BO: Ya read my mind, Uncle Jesse.  
DAISY: Uncle Jesse, wouldn't it be easier to just bring everything out here to the picnic table rather than have the boys try to work their way around the kitchen?  
UNCLE JESSE: Now, Daisy, we gotta get the boys inside sooner or later. They can't very well spend the next three weeks out here in the back yard. Besides, we might as well do it now while we got Cooter here to help us out. But I'll tell ya what, ya think you two will be alright out here for a few minutes while we go inside and get lunch?  
BO: Shoot, you don't gotta worry about us, Uncle Jesse.  
LUKE: Yeah, I reckon we'll be alright.  
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, then. Come on, Daisy and Cooter. Let's go inside and get lunch ready.  
(the groups starts to walk away and Uncle Jesse looks back)  
UNCLE JESSE: You boys holler if ya need anything, hear?  
BO: Yes, sir.  
LUKE: You got it.  
BO: I'll tell ya somethin', Luke...once we're healed and outta these wheelchairs, I ain't never gonna take my legs for granted again.  
LUKE: Yeah, I know what ya mean.  
BO: Well, we're out here by ourselves but we can't exactly get up and walk around, what do you figure we should do now?  
LUKE: Well, we can sit here feelin' sorry for ourselves, (examines his wheelchair) or we can figure out how to work these things so we don't have to burdon Uncle Jesse and Daisy with pushin' us around everywhere.  
(Switch to inside the farm house. Daisy goes to the refridgerator, Cooter gets plates from the cupboard, and Uncle Jesse goes into the living room)  
UNCLE JESSE: You two get lunch goin'. I got an important phone call to make.  
(Scene switches back to court house with Boss Hogg arriving)  
BALLADEER: While Bo and Luke was outside adjustin' to their wheel chairs and Uncle Jesse, Daisy, and Cooter was inside gettin' lunch, Boss had arrived back at the court house and was startin' to work on savin' his own skin.  
(As Boss Hogg enters, Enos is shuffling through paperwork with Rosco in the cell to the left)  
ENOS: Oh, howdy, Mr. Hogg! Yer just in time! I need ya to sign these here papers for the Sheriff's arrest so I can file 'em.  
ROSCO: Enos! How many times do I gotta tell ya to stop callin' me Sheriff?!  
BOSS HOGG: Will you just hush up and never mind about that?! Alright, Enos, listen...while I sign these here papers, I want you to get back out on speed trap duty...  
ROSCO: What's the point in that? It ain't like the Duke boys are gonna be on the road.  
BOSS HOGG: Didn't I just tell you to zip?  
ROSCO: No, you said hush...  
BOSS HOGG: (frustrated) Oh, would you please...  
ENOS: Beggin' your pardon, Mr. Hogg, Rosco's right. Bo and Luke are pretty much the only ones we ever catch runnin' our speed traps. With them laid up and the General broken, there really don't seem to be much point in goin' out there. Besides, after you sign these papers, I gotta file 'em.  
BOSS HOGG: Never you mind about that there papework. I'll take care of filin' it for ya just as soon as I finish signin' it all. You just get out there like I told ya and start writin' tickets!   
ENOS: (reluctantly) Yessir, Mr. Hogg.  
BOSS HOGG: And, Enos, for every ticket you don't write, I'm takin' ten dollars outta your paycheck!  
ENOS: Yessir, Mr. Hogg!  
(Enos rushes out)  
BALLADEER: Now, folks, Y'all know that threat don't make no sense, and I know it don't make no sense. Shoot, I'll bet even Enos knows it don't make no sense. But he also knows there ain't no tellin' what kind of number Boss'll come up with if he comes back empty-handed.  
ROSCO: Alright, Boss...wadda you got up your fat little sleeve that you needed Enos outta here so bad for?!  
(Boss Hogg picks up the paperwork)  
BOSS HOGG: Just this...  
(he tears up the paperwork)  
ROSCO: JEEJEE!!! Boss, are you outta your pee-pickin' mind?! Ya can't tear up legal documents like that! That's a felony, ya know!  
BOSS HOGG: (holding his lighter under the paperwork to burn it) It's only a crime if they can find the documents!  
(he throws the burning documents into the trash)  
BOSS HOGG: Now you listen to me...if I let you go up on these charges like you want to, the judge is gonna ask you if anyone was in on it with ya. And, knowin you, you'll crack like a hard-boiled egg under the pressure. That'd have me goin' up the river right beside ya. And since I ain't about to let that happen...  
(Boss takes the keys off the wall and unlocks Rosco's cell)  
BOSS HOGG: I'm just gonna have to drop all the charges against ya. You're free to go. Now, get your Sheriff's badge back on and get out there on speedtrap duty with Enos.  
(Boss Hogg starts to walk away)  
ROSCO: You just don't get it, do ya?! Charges or no charges, I ain't bein' sheriff no more! And besides, you can't drop the charges since you never pressed 'em. I did and I ain't changin' my mind!  
BOSS HOGG: Well, you ain't gotta change your mind. On account of, me bein' county commissioner around here, the paperwork ain't final til I sign it. And since I ain't gonna sign it, there ain't no charges!  
ROSCO: Fine! Have it your way, you little fat meadow muffin! But I still ain't goin' back to bein' sheriff!  
(we start to see smoke comming out of the trash barrel)  
ROSCO: There's plenty of other jobs around town I could do. (smiles) Maybe I could go scoop ice cream over at the ice cream shop! That'd be a yummy job! CUCU!! (looks at Boss and turns serious again) Sorry, Boss, but I'm standin' by my resignation. (starts to exit and looks down) And yer trash is on fire.  
BOSS HOGG: (gasps and goes into his screaming routine) Water! I need water! (finds a glass of water on the booking table and throws it on the fire. The fire goes out, but a big cloud of smoke bursts up into Boss's face. He goes back into his screaming and whining routine)  
(scene switches back to the farm, with Bo and Luke getting around in their wheelchairs)  
BALLADEER: While Boss was busy keepin' the county court house from burnin' down, the boys was gettin' used to gettin' around in their wheelchairs. Friends, there just ain't nuthin' on wheels a Duke can't handle.  
LUKE: Hey, Bo, you think ya got the hang of that thing yet?  
BO: Yeah, I think I can control it pretty good.  
LUKE: You up for a little challenge?  
BO: (smirks) Waddaya got in mind?  
LUKE: From here to the picnic table and back.  
BO: (squinting a little) Heck, that can't be more than about fifty feet. Why not?  
LUKE: Ok, get over here next to me.  
(Bo moves into position next to Luke)  
LUKE: On yer mark....get set....GO!  
(Bo and Luke both start pushing their wheelchairs as fast as they can)  
BALLADEER: Friends and neighbors, it can now be said without exaggeration. If it's got wheels, a Duke has raced it!  
(Luke reaches the picnic table just ahead of Bo. Bo takes the lead on the turn-around and manages to beat Luke to the finish. He turns around to shake hands with Luke as he finishes)  
BO: Nice try, Luke. Guess this proves cars ain't the only things I drive better than you.  
LUKE: You kiddin' me? You wouldn'ta had a chance if didn't get to make the turn from the inside.  
(Bo laughs. While talking, Luke fails to see a large pebble under his left wheel and rolls over it, throwing his chair off balance. He begins to topple)  
BO: LUKE!!  
(Bo tries to grab Luke, but reaches too far and causes his own chair to topple)  
(scene freezes)  
BALLADEER: Y'all realize that Bo and Luke wouldn't be in this mess if Boss hadn'ta cut off their bar tab?  
TO BE CONTINUED....  
(end act 4)  
  
  
(Bo and Luke's chairs tip over, and the boys fall to the ground. Switch to inside the house, where Uncle Jesse, Daisy, and Cooter here the crash of the chairs and the boys screams of pain)   
UNCLE JESSE: What in tarnation is happenin' out there??  
(Uncle Jessse runs for the door and Cooter looks out the window)  
COOTER: I ain't sure how, but Bo and Luke fell outta their wheel chairs and they're lyin' on the ground.  
(switch back to Bo and Luke, with very pained looks on their faces.)  
LUKE: Bo, you alright?  
BO: (wincing) Not really. Dangit! That hurt!  
(Luke sees everyone headed toward he and Bo)  
LUKE: Well, the hurtin' in our legs ain't gonna be nuthin compared to the hurtin' in our ears after we tell Uncle Jesse how we ended up on the ground like this.  
(The group approaches)  
DAISY: Oh, my goodness!!  
COOTER: Hey, y'all alright?  
UNCLE JESSE: What happened? How'd you two end up on the ground like that? We wasn't inside more'n a few minutes.   
(Uncle Jesse looks perplexed, squints, and looks back and forth from where the boys are to where they had been)  
UNCLE JESSE: How'd you two end up all the way over here, anyway?  
(Bo and Luke look at each other sheepishly, both studdering and stumbling over their words.)  
BALLADEER: While the boys was dancin'around the truth quicker than a fox outrunnin' a shotgun after he'd been caught stealin' the only chicken in the henhouse...  
(scene switches to the county court house, where Boss Hogg sits in his office with a pile of sausages in front of him)  
BALLADEER: Boss was havin' a little snack while he tried to come up with a way to force Rosco back into his sheriff's job.  
BOSS HOGG: (talking to himself) Come on, J.D., think! You've conned some of the smartest businessmen and con artists in the south! Why can't you come up with a way to con one of the biggest knuckleheads that ever walked the earth?? (gets a devilish grin on his face, and in a maliscious whisper) I got it...  
(Scene switches to the Duke farm, the next morning. Bo and Luke sit at the picnic table, waiting for Uncle Jesse and Daisy to bring breakfast out. Uncle Jesse approaches with a stack of pancakes in one hand and a bottle of syrup in another. Daisy follows with a plate of home fries in one hand and a stack of plates and silverware in the other)  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, boys, you better eat up quick. I just called Cooter and he's on his way over to pick you two up.  
LUKE: How's he gonna fit us into his tow truck?  
UNCLE JESSE: He ain't takin' you in his tow truck. He's bringin' over a wooden ramp so you can get in the bed of my pick-up.  
LUKE: That takes care of fittin' us into somethin'. But what happens once we start movin'?  
UNCLE JESSE: Them wheel chairs got brakes on 'em. And just to be safe, there's hooks on the sides of the bed. We'll rig some kind of seatbelts once you're in it.  
BO: Uncle Jesse, why you got Cooter commin' to get us, anyway? There's still a lot we can do around here even if we're stuck in these things.  
UNCLE JESSE: (looking at the boys scrutinizingly) After the stunt you pulled yesterday, do you really think I'd be able to get any work done around here, wonderin' what you two was up to?  
(Bo and Luke look at each other with guilty expressions)  
DAISY: Uncle Jesse's right, fellas. Besides, wouldn't you rather be helpin' Cooter put the General back in shape?  
LUKE: Sure we would. But who's gonna be here pickin' up the slack for us?  
UNCLE JESSE: I got that all taken care of.  
(a powerful engine can be heard approaching from the background)  
UNCLE JESSE: (smiling) Matter of fact, here comes your answer now.  
LUKE: (to Bo) The engine sound familiar to you?  
BO: (confused) Yeah...(his confusion changes to a smile) Hey, y'know, that sounds a lot like....  
(The yellow muscle car that Bo and Luke drove home from the Nascar curcuit in pulls up to the right of the picnic table. Vance pokes his head out the window)  
VANCE: (With a big grin on his face) Howdy!  
(Uncle Jesse stands and walks over to the car)  
UNCLE JESSE: There's my other two favorite nephews! Get on outta that car and come over to the table and have some flapjacks with us!  
(Coy emerges from the passenger's side)  
COY: Shoot, Uncle Jesse! You always did know just the right thing to say!  
VANCE: You got that right, partner. We been drivin' since before the sun came up and we're hungry as bears!  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, then, you just sit right down and let Daisy fill up a couple o' plates for ya.   
COY: I'll tell ya somethin', Uncle Jesse...we never could resist you and Daisy's cookin'.  
LUKE: (smirking) Y'all will have to forgive me and Bo for not standin' up.  
VANCE: Don't you two worry about a thing. Uncle Jesse told us all about the stunt that Boss and Rosco pulled that landed you two in them wheel chairs.   
DAISY: So this was that important phone call you were makin' yesterday, Uncle Jesse?  
UNCLE JESSE: (passing a plate to Coy) Yeah, see I figured that if Coy and Vance could come back for a spell, that would give Bo and Luke a chance to go down to the garage with Cooter and work on the General.  
LUKE: Speakin' of you two commin' back, I take it to mean that Uncle Albert is on the mend...  
VANCE: Well, he's mendin' just fine. But he's still gettin' on in years and can't handle all the farm chores on his own. The kids help out all they can, but they got their school work to think about. So, unfortunately, as soon as y'all are on the mend, we gotta be headin' back.  
BO: Well, what's Uncle Albert doin' in the meantime?  
VANCE: Well, this week is school vacation, so the boys are helpin' out more'n usual...  
COY: And we talked to most of the farmers that live nearbye, and they said they'd be happy to help out.  
VANCE: Speakin' of helpin' out, Coy and me'll be down at Cooter's helpin' y'all put the General back together whenever we're not here doin' chores.  
DAISY: Heck, with the five of ya workin' on him, the General might just be back to normal before you boys are.  
COY: Shoot, with all of us down there, it'll be like turnin' Cooter's garage into the General's own private MASH unit.  
(scene switches to the Hazzard Ice Cream Shop, where we see Rosco behind the counter wearing a white shirt and pants, a black bow tie, and a candy-striped apron and hat.)  
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, back in town, Rosco was gettin' acquainted with the tools of his new trade. Uh huh...he was serious when he said that.  
ROSCO: (grinning) CU! CU! This is gonna be more fun than I thought! (opens the ice cream freezer) Ooooooooo....look at all them yummy flavors! CU CU! I gotta be careful I don't eat my paycheck in ice cream! CU CU!  
(Rosco notices three long skinny pistols sticking up out of the counter)  
ROSCO: Oh, look at this! I still get to have a weapon by my side! (picks up one of the pistols and points it at himself) I wonder what these things are for, anyway...  
(he accidently pulls the trigger and gets a facefull of chocolate syrup)  
ROSCO: Doa-oah!! (drops gun and waves his fist at it) JEEJEE!! Don't you threaten me! I'll cuff ya and stuff ya! (his look turns very sad) No I won't. I can't do that no more...(whimpers)  
(switch back to the farm, where Cooter is attaching the ramp to Uncle Jesse's pick-up)  
BALLADEER: While Rosco was busy arguin' with the syrup gun, Cooter had arrived at the farm and was just about ready to help Bo and Luke onto the bed of Uncle Jesse's truck.  
COOTER: Alright, fellas, y'all ready to hop on board?  
LUKE: Ready and waitin', Cooter...  
VANCE: Hang on, fellas. Coy and Me'll give y'all a hand.  
(As Vance approaches Luke's wheelchair, he looks off into the distance)  
VANCE: Hey, Uncle Jesse, is this the day the mortgage is due?  
UNCLE JESSE: (holding a stack of dirty plates) I gave J.D. the mortgage payment last week. What makes ya ask that?  
VANCE: I just can't think of any other reason why Boss Hogg would be payin' us a visit this early in the mornin'. (Vance nods to where he was looking)  
(The group turns to see Boss Hogg's cadillac pulling up.)  
LUKE: Well, I doubt Boss is dumb enough to try to pin any charges on me and Bo right now. And he don't know you and Coy are here. This oughta be pretty interestin'.  
(Boss gets out of his car and approaches the group)  
BOSS HOGG: Mornin', Jesse, daisy...Cooter. Bo and Luke, how are you two fine boys feelin' this mornin?  
BO: (grinning sarcastically) Just about the same as yesterday, Boss.  
COY: Yeah, and they're gonna be feelin' this way for quite a while thanks to You and Rosco.  
(Boss looks beyond Bo and Luke and gasps, with a shocked look on his face)  
BOSS HOGG: Coy and Vance Duke??!! Again?! Tarnation, are you gonna show up every time them cousins of yours get into trouble?  
COY: You better believe it, Boss.  
VANCE: Shoot, we wouldn't be Dukes if we wasn't around to help out when family needed us.  
UNCLE JESSE: Alright, J.D...I gave ya the mortgage last week, and you'da sent Rosco over if you was gonna try and pin any phony charges on my boys, so what brings ya here?  
BOSS HOGG: Well, that's just it, Jesse. I can't send Rosco over. On account of, he ain't sheriff no more.  
LUKE: You mean he seriously quit his job yesterday? Where's he workin' now?  
BOSS HOGG: (shaking his head) You ain't gonna believe this, but of all things, he's workin' over at the ice cream shoppe in the center of town.  
BO: (chuckling) Are you tellin' us that rosco took a job as a soda jerk?  
UNCLE JESSE: Bo, it ain't funny. Now you, Luke, and Cooter get over to the garage and get to workin' on the General while Coy, Vance, and me go into town and try to talk some sense into Rosco.  
BOSS HOGG: Jesse, don't ya think I tried that already? He ain't gonna listen to nobody, no how! And I gotta do somethin' quick! On account of, if Lulu finds out he quit and why...  
LUKE: Well, the way I figure it, if Rosco ain't gonna listen to reason then we're gonna have to make him wanna do somethin' that he's gotta be sheriff to do. (pauses and smirks) And I think I know just the thing to do...  
(scene freezes)  
BALLADEER: Now, ain't that just like a Duke? Even when they're crippled, there ain't nuthin' they won't do to help somebody out....even the man that crippled 'em!  
(end act 5)  
  
UNCLE JESSE: What do ya got in mind, Luke?  
LUKE: What's the one thing that Rosco loves more than anything else in the world?  
DAISY: Well, if it was anybody else, I'd say either his momma or Lulu. But, knowin' Rosco, I'd guess it would be Flash.  
LUKE: (grinning) Exactly. Now suppose, for a minute, that Rosco was still sheriff and Flash turned up missin'. What do ya think is the first thing he'd do?  
BO: (chuckling) Knowin' Rosco, he'd probably put out an A.P.B. or her.  
LUKE: Bingo.  
BALLADEER: Now, since Luke couldn't play an active part in his plan, he figured he aughtta keep it as simple as possible.  
(Scene switches to Cooter's, about fifteen minutes later. Cooter is helping the boys off of Uncle Jesse's truck)  
BALLADEER: While he and Bo were at the garage helpin' Cooter put the General back together....  
(Switch to Rosco's house across town, where Coy and Vance pull up.)  
BALLADEER: ....Coy and Vance had to "kidnap" Falsh and take her back to the farm til they got word that Rosco was Sheriff again.  
(Coy gets out of the car and goes to Rosco's front porch to pick up Flash)  
COY: Hey, Flash. Remember me? Come on, Darlin'. You're gonna help us help your daddy get his job back.  
(Coy puts flash in the back seat of the car, gets in, and he and Vance pull away. Switch to the ice cream shoppe, where Daisy walks in with a small brown bag)  
BALLADEER: And it was Daisy's job to go over to the ice cream shoppe, and shuck and jive Rosco into searchin' for Flash.  
DAISY: Hey, Rosco!  
ROSCO: (smiling) Mornin' Daisy. Now listen, much as I'd love to serve ya, we're not quite open yet. See, I just came here early to learn how to use everything. And I'm glad I did, too. That syrup gun is a serious weapon! JEEJEE!!  
DAISY: (giggling) I can see that. But I didn't come here for ice cream, Rosco. (opens the brown bag) See, I was just over at Ruebottom's and I found this darlin' little pink bow that I thought would just look so cute on Flash. I just had to get it for her.  
ROSCO: Oooohhhh...isn't that nice o' you! (Rosco's voice trails off and he gets a very confused look on his face) Daisy, are you tellin' me that, after everything that happened these past couple of days, you went out and bought Flash a present?  
DAISY: Rosco, all us Dukes told ya we forgave ya and we meant it. We know you're sorry. We even want you to come back as Sheriff. But if this is what you feel like you gotta do, then we won't try and stop ya.  
ROSCO: Thank you, Daisy. I appreciate that.  
DAISY: But anyway, where's Flash? I'm just dyin' to put this on her!  
ROSCO: Of, that's easy. She's just layin' on the front porch at my house.  
DAISY: No she ain't, Rosco. I was just there and I didn't see her nowhere.  
ROSCO: Well, did you check inside her little doghouse? Sometimes when it get too hot, she...  
(Daisy shakes her head "no". Rosco shakes his head and makes his little noises)  
ROSCO: Ya think maybe she went for a walk?  
(Daisy gets a very doubtful look on her face)  
ROSCO: Me neither....where do ya think she could be?  
DAISY: Beats me....(gasps) I just had a horrible thought....  
ROSCO: What?  
DAISY: Now I want you to promise me you won't panic when I say this....  
ROSCO: Are you kiddin' me?? Roscooooo P. Coltrane is a pillar!! There ain't nothin' you can say that'll make me panic!  
DAISY: Do ya think maybe she's been kidnapped?  
ROSCO: JEEJEE!! Except that!! (looking very panicked) You really think so?  
DAISY: Well, I hope I'm wrong, but I don't know where else she coulda gone...  
ROSCO: D'OOOOO-HOOOOO!!!! You're right!! Flash has been dognapped!!!  
(Rosco pulls off his bow tie and apron and throws them on the counter)  
ROSCO: I ain't got time to scoop ice cream! I gotta go rescue my dog!!  
(Runs out from behind counter and heads for the door)  
ROSCO: Hang on, Flash! Daddy's commin'!!  
(Switch to Cooter's, where all three men stare, overwhelmed, at the General Lee)  
BALLADEER: While Rosco was gettin' ready to call in the army, navy, air force, and marines in an all-out doghunt...Cooter and the boys was tryin' to figure out where to start on the General.  
LUKE: Well, Cooter, what do ya think our plan of attck should be?  
COOTER: Well, I think we need to take the same approach we did when y'all first found him. So I'll go get my torch and crow bar and start gettin' the frame back in shape.  
BO: That's fine but what are we supposed to do in the meantime? I mean, we can't exactly slide underneath and help ya out.  
COOTER: I already thought of that. That's why I took the insides off the doors and found my two dead blow hammers. I figure, between the two of ya, y'all aughtta be able to pound the dents out of 'em.   
LUKE: Sounds like a plan to me. Let's get to work, Bo.  
(Switch to police booking room, where Enos is filling out paperwork. Rosco comes bursting through the door)  
ROSCO: Enos!! Quick!! Put out an A.P.B.!! I want every sheriff and deputy in the tri-county area lookin' for her!  
ENOS: Posum on a gumbush! Who's missin', Rosco?  
ROSCO: Who's missin?? I'll tell ya who's missin! Flash! That's who! Somebody done dognapped her!!  
BALLADEER: Now, y'all gotta realize that, with Enos bein' as honest as he is, the Dukes couldn't let him in on Luke's plan. So he really thinks Flash has been kidnapped.  
(Boss Hogg comes out of his office)  
BOSS HOGG: What in tarnation is all the ruckuss out here?! Rosco?! What in blue blazes are you doin' here? You ain't sheriff no more, so just get!!  
ROSCO: I can't, Boss. Flash has been dognapped. I came to have Enos put out an A.P.B. on her.  
BOSS HOGG: A what on who? Are you outta your cotton-pickin' mind? Enos is far too busy dealin' with important county business to put out an A.P.B. on that lousy mutt!  
ENOS: Beggin' your pardon, Mr. Hogg...it'll only take a few minutes to put out an A.P.B. I can spare that.  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, no you can't! I forbid it!!  
ROSCO: What?? Boss, you can't...I mean...  
BOSS HOGG: What do ya mean, I can't? I just did, didn't I?  
ROSCO: (waving his fist at Boss in frustration) Alright then, I'll do it myself!  
BOSS HOGG: Oh no you won't! On account of only a duely designated county official can put out an A.P.B....and you gave that up when you gave up your sheriff's job.  
(Rosco gets a "not sure what to do" look on his face)  
ROSCO: Boss, I unresign as Sheriff.  
BOSS HOGG: Oh ya do, do ya? Well, who said I was gonna take ya back? I seem to remember somebody callin' me a little fat meadow muffin and a comquat and few other things which I ain't gonna mention.  
ROSCO: Listen, Boss, I aweful sorry I said those things. It was just the heat of the moment, y'know? I mean, I was just feelin' so guilty over what happened to Bo and Luke Duke. (Rosco's look turns very sad) Please, Boss...I gotta find my dog...  
(Boss pretends to be disgusted by Rosco's emotion)  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll never understand your attachment to that stupid flea bag. (pretending to think it over) Alright, fine. You're sheriff again...but at a ten percent pay cut!  
ROSCO: Boss, that's low, hittin' a man when he's down like that. (smiling) But I probably woulda been suspicious if you didn't. Deal!!  
(Rosco hurries to the booking area)  
ROSCO: Alright, Enos! Put out an A.P.B. on Flash!! We ain't gonna sleep til she's found!!  
ENOS: Yessir, Rosco!....I mean, Sheriff!! Ha!  
BALLADEER: With Rosco back as Sheriff, Boss got on the c.b. to Jesse to have him tell Coy and Vance to bring Flash back.  
(Quick shot of Uncle Jesse talking on the c.b., then a shot of Coy and Vance's car fishtailing on the road and heading for the police station)  
VANCE: Well, sounds like Rosco fell for Luke's plan hook, line, and sinker, partner.  
COY: Yup. Never a dull moment in Hazzard.  
VANCE: Well, from now on, there's gonna have to be. Uncle Jesse called us here to help out on the farm. Soon as we bring Flash back to Rosco, I figure he's gonna have our whole day planned for us.  
(switch back to the county court house, where Enos brings the A.P.B. to Rosco)  
ENOS: I just finished makin' out the A.P.B., Sheriff. You want me to start wirin' it to all the neighborin' Sheriff Departments?  
(Coy and Vance enter with Flash)  
VANCE: That won't be necessary, Enos. Look what we found.  
ENOS: Possum on a gumbush!! Coy and Vance!! When did y'all get back into town?  
COY: We came back this mornin' to help out with the farm chores while Bo and Luke are down and out.  
VANCE: That's right. But as soon as we got here, Daisy told us that Flash was missin'. So, knowin' how much she means to Rosco, we set out to find her.  
ROSCO: FLASH!! Come to daddy, darlin'! Oh, am I glad to see you!!  
ENOS: Where'd y'all find her, anyway?  
COY: She didn't wander too far, really. We found her dippin' into the scraps behind the Hazzard Butcher Shop.  
ROSCO: Now, Flash, that's a naughty naughty, disappearin' on Daddy like that. I'm gonna have to punish ya. No more doggy num-nums for the rest of the day.  
(close-up on Flash)  
BALLADEER: How do ya like that? Even Flash is makin' sacrafices to get Rosco back to bein' sheriff. Y'know, sometimes I swear that dog is more Duke than Coltraine...  
(We move on to about a month later. We see a shot of the narly restored General Lee sitting in Cooter's Garage)  
BALLADEER: Well, the weeks went by and, as Cooter predicted, the General was bouncin' back quicker than the boys were.  
(Switch to Capital City hospital waitng room, where Uncle Jesse and Daisy wait while Bo and Luke have their check-up)  
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, Doc Applebee had just finished checkin' out Bo and Luke's progress and was gettin' ready to give the news to Uncle Jesse and Daisy.  
(Doc Applebee approaches Uncle Jesse and Daisy. They both stand and greet him)  
DOC APPLEBEE: I've just finihsed examining the boys, Jesse...  
UNCLE JESSE: And...?  
DOC APPLEBEE: (with a very serious expression) Jesse, I think you and Daisy better come with me.  
(Doc Applebee walks toward Bo and Luke's examining room, with Uncle Jesse and Daisy following. We once again see the door open from inside the room. Doc Applebee holds the Door for Uncle Jesse and Daisy. They both walk in with shocked expressions on their faces)  
Scene freezes  
BALLADEER: Now, the last time we saw Jesse and Daisy with that expression on their faces, the boys were stuck in wheel chairs. Friends and neighbors, I'm afraid to look this time.  
(End Act 6)  
  
(We see the shocked looks on Uncle Jesse and Daisy's faces and switch views to see Bo and Luke standing up on crutches. Uncle Jesse's expression quickly changes from surprise to a big smile)   
UNCLE JESSE: Ha! Would ya look at that?! Doc, by the way you came out to the waitin' room, I thought these boys was gonna be paralized for life!  
DOC APPLEBEE: (smiling) Well, they asked me to be calm. They wanted you to be surprised when you saw them.  
DAISY: I'll say! Doc, does this mean Bo and Luke don't need them wheel chairs anymore?  
DOC APPLEBEE: That's right! To tell you the truth, I knew when you wheeled these boys outta here a few weeks ago, that it wasn't gonna be long before they were back on their feet.  
LUKE: How'd ya know that, Doc?  
DOC APPLEBEE: Well, Luke, it's no mystery that the mind and the body work hand in hand. And I figured, if I knew you two, you had no intention of being stuck in those wheel chairs any longer than you had to be. So, without you even knowin' it, your mind was subconsciously tellin' your body to heel.  
BO: Well ALRIGHT!! Luke, now that we're back on our feet, we can help Cooter with the rest of the work on the General! Then, before ya know it, we'll be flyin' clear over Boss and his Hogg Hellcat in that Ddrag N' Fly race!  
DOC APPLEBEE: Now, hold on, Bo. If you and Luke were completely heeled and back on your feet, I wouldn't have put you on those crutches. Granted, your bones are mended. But you haven't used your leg muscles in weeks. They're so stiff right now, they couldn't even support you standing, let alone walking or running.  
BO: I don't get it, Doc. I would figure the only way we're gonna get our legs strong again is to use 'em and excercise 'em.  
DOC APPLEBEE: No, no, no. Now, boys, I wnat you both to listen very carefully. Have you even waken up in the morning and realized that your arm or your leg has fallen asleep?  
LUKE: Sure. I reckon it happens to everybody now and then.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Absolutely. Now, what would happen if your leg had fallen asleep and you tried to stand on it?  
LUKE: You'd fall like your leg wasn't even there.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Exactly. And that's the shape you boys are in right now. And you're on those crutches so you can give your legs the time they need to "wake up".  
UNCLE JESSE: Speakin' of time, Doc, how long do you figure the boys will be on them crutches?  
DAISY: (smiling) And, remember, we know your secret this time.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Honestly, with the will power they have to heel....a week, two tops.  
BO: YEEEHOOOO!!!!  
DOC APPLEBEE: However, you still need to be very careful, boys. Remember, your muscles can't protect your bones right now. So if you were to take a fall, you could wind up right back at square one. So you mind me, keep those crutches near you at all times, and.... (points a stern finger at both boys) don't do anything foolish.  
LUKE: You got it, Doc. Thanks a lot.  
DOC APPLEBEE: Alright. Now, you folks are all set to go and I have other patients to see. Take care, now.  
(Doc Applebee exits room)  
UNCLE JESSE: Thanks, Doc.  
DAISY: Well, I gotta run back to Cooter's with a package he asked me to pick up for him. I'll see y'all later.  
UNCLE JESSE: I'm just gonna go tell the nurse the boys and me are leavin'. We'll meet ya over there.  
(scene switches to Cooter's garage)  
BALLADEER: Bo and Luke wasn't the only ones on the road to recovery. Back at the garage, Cooter was just about finished weldin' the General's doors back on. And, under the hood, Coy and Vance was replacin' the old brake line with top of the line, high performance material. They figured that was about the best get well present they could give him.  
(Daisy pulls up in her Jeep and gets out, carrying a large box with her)  
DAISY: Hey, Y'all!   
(Cooter takes off his welding helmet and puts the blow torch out. He climbs out the passenger's window)  
COOTER: Hey, Daisy! That what I think it is?  
DAISY: Sure is. Straight from the best auto shop in Capital City.  
VANCE: What's in the box, Cooter?  
COOTER: Just a little insurance to make sure Bo and Luke never end up in this kind of situation again. (he pulls a shock out of the box) The very best shocks available.....Nascar approved.  
COY: Shoot, Cooter, how'd you get your hands on these? (takes the shock from Cooter) These things must've cost a fortune!  
COOTER: Now, I can't take total credit. It was me and Daisy's idea to get 'em. But I passed the hat around town and, seein' as there ain't a sould in Hazzard that Bo and Luke ain't helped out at one time or another, folks couldn't reach into their pockets fast enough to chip in.  
(scene switches across the street to Boss Hogg's office, where he watches Cooter's garage from his window. Rosco enters)  
ROSCO: Boss, listen, Enos and me have been gettin' a lot of calls over the past couple of days from folks wonderin' when you're gonna set a new date for the Drag N' Fly. What should we tell 'em?  
BOSS HOGG: Tell 'em that it's cancelled!  
ROSCO: What?? Are you kiddin' me?! We can't do that. There'll be a riot at our front door!  
BOSS HOGG: Well, what else do you expect me to do?? Look out the window and take a gander over at Cooter's.  
(Rosco peers out the window and smiles)  
ROSCO: Oooo....look at that! The General Lee is almost fixed! Ain't that nice.  
BOSS HOGG: No it ain't nice! If Bo and Luke Duke and that orange clunker car are in that race, nobody else has got a prayer of winnin'! And that includes ME!!  
ROSCO: Boss, I hope you ain't thinkin' of havin' me do somethin' to the General Lee again. Cause I ain't gonna do it! Not after what happened last time!  
BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven's sake, are you gonna dwell on that for the rest of your life?? The Duke boys are gonna be fine! Besides, you were too much of a numbskull to do the job right the first time, what makes ya think I'd send you over there to mess up twice?  
ROSCO: Ooo! I got an idea! Why don't you just have it before the Dukes are back on their feet?  
BOSS HOGG: Don't ya think I thought of that already? If they couldn't drive themselves, they'd just have Coy and Vance do it for 'em. Besides, the whole town knows the reason I postponed it in the first place was so the Duke boys could be in it when they got better.  
ROSCO: Well, then, little fat buddy, it looks like you're gonna have to run the race honest just like everybody else.  
(Boss Hogg frowns)  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, after all these years, you should know I never run a race......I can't fix!  
(Rosco looks out the window and sees Uncle Jesse's pick-up pull up)  
ROSCO: Oh, look. There's Jesse. And Bo and Luke are with him. But you know what? I don't see their wheelchairs anyplace. I wonder what happened.  
(Rosco sees Luke walk away from the truck with his crutches and head toward the General Lee)  
ROSCO: Oh, good news! Good news!! You see that, Boss? Bo and Luke are on the mend!  
BOSS HOGG: Of course I see it! I got eyes, ain't I?!  
ROSCO: Oh, I wonder what they'll say when they see those nice new shocks that Cooter and Daisy got 'em.  
BOSS HOGG: Wait a minute, how do you know what kind of shocks they got?  
ROSCO: Oh, didn't I tell ya? See, Cooter went around a collected money from everyone in Hazzard and went to Capital City and got the best shocks he could find. I'll tell ya, I've never seen anybody raise so much money so fast. People must've given him everything they had!  
BOSS HOGG: Why didn't you tell me that before?  
ROSCO: Well, I guess it slipped my mind, considerin'....  
(Boss Hogg laughs malisciously)  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, Don't ya see?? Cancellin' the Drag N' Fly is gonna be easy! If everybody in Hazzard gave Cooter all their money to buy new shocks for the General Lee, then they ain't got no money for their entry fees!!  
ROSCO: Uh, Boss, I think you're forgettin' that everybody paid their entry fees when they signed up.  
BOSS HOGG: Well, then I'll RAISE the entry fee!!  
ROSCO: Raise the entry fee?? Boss, how're you gonna do that? Folks ain't just gonna give you more money just like that (snaps his fingers).  
BOSS HOGG: Oh yes, they will. (gets noe-to-nose with Rosco) Rosco...Cooter ain't the only one in this town that knows how to pull on people's heart strings.  
(Boss Hogg shoves a cigar in his mouth and grins mailisciously.)  
(Scene switches back to Cooter's. Bo and Luke stand, supported by their crutches, beside the General Lee as Coy and Vance make the final adjustments on the brake line.)  
BALLADEER: Now that Uncle Jesse and the boys had arrived at the garage, it was just about time for the big moment. As soon as Coy and Vance were through, Cooter would start the General for the first time since the accident.  
VANCE: Well, that aughtta about do it. Cooter, why don't you do the honors?  
COOTER: (looking very serious) Much as I'd love to, I can't. (looks at Bo and Luke) After everything y'all have been through, it aughtta be one of you startin' the ol' General for the first time, not me.  
LUKE: Cooter, there ain't nuthin' in the world that'd make me and Bo happier right now than to start that car up and take him out for a spin. But since we ain't hardly in any shape to do that, there ain't nobody we'd rather see step in for us than you.  
BO: Luke's right, Cooter. Shoot, you're the one that's been mendin' the General the way Doc Applebee's been mendin' us. And since we can't exactly jump in the windows right now, it's only fittin' that you do it for us.  
COOTER: (grinning) Well, I do have one other little surprise for y'all.   
(while he talks, Cooter slowly walks to the driver's side of the General Lee)  
COOTER: Y'see, I was kinda hopin' that you two would be outta them wheelchairs when ya got back here. So when I realized that we was gonna be done with all the engine work before ya got here....  
(Cooter grabs the handle of the driver's side door and pulls the door open)  
COOTER: ....I only welded one door.  
BO: (grinning fro ear to ear) Well, Alright, Cooter!!!!  
(Luke hobbles over to the driver's side as Bo sits down in the driver's seat)  
LUKE: Start him up, Bo.  
(Bo slides the key into the ignition and turns the crank. The roar of the General's motor can be heard all the way down the block.)  
BO: YEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
BALLADEER: Friends and neighbors, that just goes to show ya. No matter if it's man or machine, ya just can't keep a Duke down for long.  
LUKE: So, we know the General starts, Cooter. But where do we stand now, overall?  
COOTER: Well, I'll tell ya, as soon as I weld this driver's side door shut and do a little more minor body work....and, of course, as soon as y'all are back on your feet, Boss Hogg can bring on that Drag N' Fly any time he wants and the ol' General (lightly pounds his hand on the roof) will beat the competition with his eyes closed.  
(We move forward to two weeks later. Bo and Luke stand by Cooter as he waxes the General Lee)  
BALLADEER: Well, time went on and the idea of Bo and Luke bein' able to drive the General soon was becomin' more and more real every day. With Unlce Jesse and Daisy's help, the boys had managed to follow Doc Appebee's orders just fine. They kept their crutches near them all the time, and more importantly, they didn't do anything risky. And if ya think that's easy, well then you ain't never seen a typical day for a Duke in Hazzard.  
LUKE: Cooter, we can't thank you enough for all the work you done on the General while we've been down.  
BO: Yeah, we just wish there was somethin' we could do to repay ya.  
COOTER: I'll tell y'all somethin'...the best payback y'all can give me will be when I see ya wavin' down at Boss Hogg in his Hellcat during that Drag N' Fly.  
BO: I think we aughtta be able to manage that! (starts laughing)  
LUKE: (also laughing) You got that right!  
(Cooter drops the rag he had been waxing with.)  
BO: You dropped somethin', Cooter.  
(Bo bends over to retrieve the rag from the floor. Luke drops his crutches and reaches to stop Bo.)  
LUKE: Bo, Wait! Don't!!  
(Scene freezes with Bo and Luke both bending and reaching)  
BALLADEER: Uhhh, what was I just sayin' about the boys not doin' anything risky?  
(end act 7)  
  
(Bo bends over and picks up the rag. Luke reaches out to stop him, letting his crutches fall to his side.)   
LUKE: Bo, are you nuts?? You're gonna....  
(Luke's speech trails off as he and Bo make eye contact, realizing what they are both doing. They are now both squatting on the floor. Bo has Cooter's rag in his hand. Luke has one hand around Bo's arm. After a short pause...)  
LUKE: You alright?  
BO: (grinning) ...I think so....  
LUKE: How do ya feel?  
BO: A little stiff, but other than that....  
LUKE: ...Everything works.  
(Bo and Luke slowly stand. They laugh and hug each other.)  
COOTER: Hey, Y'all, wait a minute. Just wait a minute....y'all are sure everything works now? It's all bendin' and stretchin' like it should?  
LUKE: Well, I don't think we're gonna be doin' any fifty yard dashes just yet, but it feels good enough to walk....  
BO: (points at Luke and smiles)....And drive!  
LUKE: You got that right. Matter of fact, we aughtta head back to the farm right now and let everybody know.  
BO: (grinning from ear to ear) Yes, sir! Hey, Cooter, where's the keys?  
COOTER: Already in the ignition.  
(Bo walks over to the driver's side, but Luke stops him)  
LUKE: Hey, you and me ain't the only ones that need to take it easy right now. I want ya to promise me you're gonna take it easy on the road. No goin' over the speed limit, no fast turns, and above all, no jumps!  
BO: Don't worry about it, Luke. After everything we just been through, I ain't about to take no risks.  
(Bo approaches the driver's side of the General Lee and tries to quickly climb in the window. He raise his right leg halfway and winces in pain)  
BO: Hey, Luke, little piece of advice....take it slow gettin' in.  
(Luke and Cooter laugh and shake their heads. Luke goes to passenger side and slowly climbs in.)  
LUKE: We'll see ya later, Cooter!  
COOTER: You bet! Keep between the ditches, now!  
(Scene switches to county court house, where Boss Hogg sits in his office with a stack of cheeseburgers in front of him)  
BALLADEER: Now, Bo and Luke wasn't the only ones havin' a revelation. Over at the court house, Boss could hear the sound of the General's engine starin', followed by the screech of tires. Which, he knew, could only mean one thing.  
(Boss Hogg looks out his window just in time to see the General Lee speed away)  
BOSS HOGG: Tarnation! The General Lee's headed for the Duke farm! And Bo and Luke Duke ain't over at Cooter's no more! That must mean....  
(Boss Hogg rushes over to his CB and picks up the microphone)  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco! This is J.D. Hogg! You out there??  
(Switch to Rosco doing speed trap duty in his patrol car)  
ROSCO: That's a big 10-4, little fat buddy....  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, the day I been dreadin' more than anything else has finally come!!  
ROSCO: Did Lulu finally move into your bedroom?  
BOSS HOGG: Not that, you numbskull!! I just saw Bo and Luke Duke pull away from Cooter's in the General Lee!!  
ROSCO: Oh, Good news! Good news!! I'm glad you told me that, Boss. I was gettin' kinda worried that....  
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, will you quit your yammerin' and listen to me?! They're headed back to their farm, so they'll be passin' your speed trap any minute!  
(The General Lee passes Rosco just as Boss Hogg speaks)  
ROSCO: Boss, they just went by!  
BOSS HOGG: Well, don't just sit there! Get after 'em!!  
ROSCO: But, Boss, they ain't done nuthin. I mean they wasn't speedin'. Matter of fact, they was goin' a little bit under the limit....  
BOSS HOGG: Well, then get 'em for impedin'!!  
ROSCO: Oh, good grief! (into the mic) Alright, Boss. I'm gone.  
(Rosco turns on his lights and sirene and starts after the General Lee. Switch to General Lee. Luke sees Rosco in the rear-view mirror)  
LUKE: He sure didn't waste no time.  
BO: Ya reckon I should pull over and see what he wants?  
LUKE: And let him think we gone soft on him? (nods to the road) Hit it!  
BO: (smiling) You got it, Cousin! Hang on!!  
(Rosco watches the General Lee speed ahead. He picks up his CB mic)  
ROSCO: Bo, Luke, this is Rosco P. Coltraine. Listen, please pull over! I don't want you boys gettin' hurt again!  
BO: (into mic) Don't you worry about us, Rosco! You just keep your eyes on the road and try to keep up!  
(Switch to an exterior view of the chase. Bo leads Rosco threw a few twists and turns, then down a long, straight road.)  
LUKE: Watch it, Bo. Hazzard Pond is just up ahead. Don't wanna risk jumpin' it. The General might come out alright, but there's no tellin' if we will.  
BO: Don't worry about it, Luke. I got an even better idea!  
(Switch to Rosco watching Bo head toward Hazzard Pond)  
ROSCO: (shaking his head) He wouldn't.....I mean, he can't!....I mean....he's gonna! I can't watch (Rosco closes his eyes)  
BO: By bye, Rosco! Hope you brought yer swimmin' trunks!  
(Bo turns the General Lee away just before he reaches the edge of the pond. Switch back to Rosco opening his eyes)  
ROSCO: Flash, did they splat yet, Darlin? (sees the edge of the pond in front of him) Oooh-hoooo!!!  
(Rosco's patrol car launches into the air and lands halfway into the pond.)  
(Switch back to Bo and Luke. Bo looks in rear view mirror)  
BO: Well, they're up. They must be alright.  
LUKE: Must be pretty embarassin', though....havin' a dog that can swim better than you.  
(Switch back to Rosco holding Flash just above water level.)  
ROSCO: Well, Flash, at least things are gettin' back to normal. GEEGEE!!  
(Switch to the farm, where Daisy is carrying a picnic basket to her jeep. Uncle Jesse is feeding the chickens at the picnic table. Coy and Vance are bailing hay)  
DAISY: Uncle Jesse, I'm just gonna run this picnic lunch over to Cooter's. I shouldn't be more'n about twenty minutes.  
VANCE: (with a very perplexed look on his face) Hey, Daisy, hold up a minute. Y'all hear that?  
(The sound of the General Lee's engine is heard, followed by the Dixie horn. The General pulls up to the farm a second later.)  
UNCLE JESSE: How'd the General Lee get here?  
VANCE: (smiling) Take a look in the window, Uncle Jesse!  
(Bo and Luke slowly climb out of the General Lee. Daisy runs over and gives them both a big hug)  
UNCLE JESSE: HA! HA! Look at ya!! I knew it wasn't gonna be long before you two was up and around again!  
DAISY: So, does this mean you boys are all heeled now?  
LUKE: Well, we're a little stiff yet, but otherwise, (pats his legs) it all works.  
UNCLE JESSE: That my boys!! Daisy, unpack that picnic basket! We gotta celebrate!!  
(Cooter's voice comes over the CB)  
COOTER: Breaker 1! Breaker 1! Might be crazy but I ain't dumb! Craaaaaaaazy Cooter commin' atcha!! Any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard net, come on?  
(Luke picks up the CB mic)  
LUKE: You got Luke here, Crazy C. What's up.  
COOTER: We got trouble, y'all. Enos just dropped off a stack of flyers for me to post around my garage. They say that Boss has doubled the entry fee for the Drag N' Fly!  
BO: He can't do that!!  
COOTER: It gets worse! He's usin' the accident as his excuse for it. It says here that the additional $500 from each driver will go toward the construction of a new bridge over Stix River. And he's even gonna name it "Duke Bridge".  
UNCLE JESSE: Of all the low-down, dirty....!  
LUKE: Much obliged for the info, Cooter. We'll keep ya posted.  
COOTER: Y'all holler if ya need me. I'm gone.  
UNCLE JESSE: Daisy, that picnic lunch is gonna have to wait. I'm gonna go into town and give J.D. a piece of my mind!  
LUKE: Hang on a second, Uncle Jesse, I got a better idea. Did you take the crop money to the bank yet?  
UNCLE JESSE: Not yet, it's still hidden inside the house.  
LUKE: Great, then we got our entry fee.  
UNCLE JESSE: Luke, I want you boys to be in that Drag N' Fly just as much as anyone in Hazzard, but that money's gotta last us four months. If you boys was in better shape, I'd give it to ya without a second thought, you know that. But, where you're not completely up to snuff yet....  
LUKE: Uncle Jesse, don't worry. We ain't gonna be givin' Boss one dime of that money. We just need to have it with us to show him if my plan's gonna work.  
COY: What plan is that, Luke?  
LUKE: The way I figure it, Boss has probably been keepin' tabs on ours and the General's progress from his office in the courthouse. He probably saw us the day we got them crutches, and I'll bet ya anything he saw us drive the General away just now. Now, after all that's happened, even HE ain't about to send Rosco out to try another stunt. So he upped the entry fee figurin' we'd never afford it and he could win the race.  
UNCLE JESSE: Well, that wouldn't surprise me, but how's havin' our crop money with us gonna solve anything?  
LUKE: It's simple. When we show him the money, he's gotta enter us. Now, I'm bettin' he knows that Cooter passed the hat around town to help fix the General. So he knows that folks ain't got five hundred bucks lyin' around right now. And since he'd just as soon see anyone but us win, even if it ain't him, we call his bluff and wait for the day of the race to come.  
UNCLE JESSE: I hope you're right about this, Luke. Cause if you ain't, we're gonna be poorer than church mice til the next harvest.  
(Switch to the court house about ten minutes later. Several angry drivers are gathered on the steps, waiting for Boss Hogg to retract the new entry fee. Boss Hogg stands at the top of the steps to address them)  
BOSS HOGG: My fellow Drag N' Fly drivers, word cannot express how much it pleases me to see you all here today to give the second half of your entry fee to help build Duke Bridge over Stix River!  
(A driver pushes his way through the crowd)  
DRIVER: But that's just the problem, Boss! We ain't got that kind of money right now! Everybody here gave all they had to Cooter to help fix the General Lee. We all like the Dukes, and we're happy they're back on their feet. But we just can't afford another five hundred dollars!  
(The Dixie horn is heard as the General Lee approaches, with Uncle Jesse's truck following. It pulls up just behind the crowd and Bo and Luke climb out. All the drivers cheer for them as they make their way through the crowd, up to Boss Hogg)  
LUKE: (handing Boss Hogg $500) Here ya go, Boss. Here's me and Bo's entry fee.  
BOSS HOGG: (with a phony smile) Bo and Luke Duke! Well, I sure am pleased as punch to see you two boys on your feet again.  
LUKE: We appreciate your concern for our well-bein', Boss. (turns to crowd) And we wanna thank all of y'all in advance for givin' the extra five hundred a piece to help build Duke Bridge. (turns back to Boss) But, Boss, even with the additional five hundred from all the drivers here, that ain't gonna be nearly enough to build a decent bridge over Stix River. So, you must be plannin' on donatin' the rest of the money yourself, right? (turns back to crowd) Ain't that generous of him, Y'all?  
BALLADEER: Uh-huh....pretty slick.  
(Boss Hogg gets a frustrated look on his face)  
LUKE: Course, that's a lot of money even for you, Boss. You sure you can afford all that? Or maybe you'd rather just retract that extra five hundred dollar entry fee and plan this whole bridge thing out a little better...  
(Boss Hogg gets more frustrated)  
BO: Yeah, shoot, Boss, ya gotta show a little pity on your road crew. They got three 10-year jobs goin' as it is. Heck, most of 'em'll be retired before they get to build anything over Stix River.  
(We see Uncle Jesse grinning and laughing)  
UNCLE JESSE: That's my boys!  
BOSS HOGG: (falsely grinning again) Now that you mention it, you boys may be right. I got so caught up in the spirit of charity, I didn't really think this whole thing through all the way.  
LUKE: Glad we could help ya clear that up, Boss. So, when's the race gonna be?  
BOSS HOGG: Well, since you boys are back on your feet, I see no reason to put it off any longer. So, it'll be this commin' Saturday.  
(We move on to Saturday, at the site of the Drag N' Fly race. All the drivers have taken their turns, except Boss Hogg and the Dukes. There is a row of damaged cars off to the side with Cooter's tow truck.)  
BALLADEER: The day of the Drag N' Fly finally came. And while Cooter was off to the side linin' up jobs for the next six months, Boss was gettin' ready to make his jump in his Hogg Hellcat.  
(We see Boss Hogg in his white racing suit, with Rosco handing him his helmet)  
ROSCO: Boss, ain't you gonna have me drive your car for ya like usual?  
BOSS HOGG: What?? After everything I been through gettin' to this here race?! Not on your life!! There's only one man I trust to drive my Hogg Hellcat now, and that's ME!!  
(Boss Hogg puts his helmet on and slides into his car. He then drives it to the starting line. The Dukes and Cooter watch from the sideline)  
LUKE: I hope he put enough weight in the trunk to counter all the weight in the front.  
(The checkered flag is waved and Boss Hogg makes his run for the ramp. His car launches into the air and flies about fifty yards before making a horizontal landing.)  
LUKE: I gotta admit, he went a pretty good distance.  
BO: Yeah, that flat landing might hurt him, though.  
LUKE: Come on, Cousin. We're up.  
UNCLE JESSE: You boys be careful, now!  
(Bo and Luke climb into the General Lee and put their helmets on.)  
LUKE: You sure you're ready for this?  
BO: Cousin, I've never been more ready for anything in my life.  
LUKE: (nods) Hit it.  
(Bo drives the General Lee to the starting line. Boss Hogg joins Rosco on the sideline)  
ROSCO: Boss, you got that prize money ready?  
BOSS HOGG: The race ain't over yet. What do I need the prize money now for??  
ROSCO: Well, I just thought maybe you'd wanna be prepared....cause this is the part where you loose. (makes his little noises)  
(The checkered flag is waved and Bo floors the gas pedal. The General Lee reaches the ramp, launches into the air, and flies about sixty-five yards before landing at a downward angle. The crowd waits in anticipation for Bo and Luke to get out of the General Lee. They start to climb out, and the crowd cheers)  
BALLADEER: Well, to no one's surprise, the boys and General Lee won the Drag N' Fly. Boss handed over their prize money and the Dukes used it to get caught up on their debts.  
(Scene switches to the Duke farm, where Coy and vance are packing their car to leave)  
BALLADEER: And, true to their word, Coy and Vance had to go since Bo and Luke were back on their feet.  
LUKE: Hey, y'all, thanks for helpin' out while we was down. We really appreciate it.  
VANCE: Hey, that's what bein' a Duke's all about.  
BO: Y'all take care of yourselves, now. Give our best to Uncle Albert and the family.  
COY: You bet we will.  
UNCLE JESSE: Now, you boys listen. You even get up this way again, you make sure you stop in and visit, y'hear? And if Uncle Albert needs any help up there on his farm, you just call us and we'll be there quicker than a rattle snake on a field mouse.  
(Daisy kisses the boys goodbye. They get in their car and drive off.)  
BALLADEER: The boys were back on their feet, Coy and Vance was headin' home, and the General was runnin' just as smooth as ever. Things were finally quitin' down in Hazzard. Maybe now, Bo and Luke can go pay off their bar tab.  
(scene freezes)  
THE END  
  
  
  
  



End file.
